A
female
age
30-35,
*horty123
writes:I have known this guy for years, he's a good family friend. The problem is around 2 years ago I realized that I had very deep feelings for him that fall beyond the line of friendship. I'm 18 and he's 42. Normally, this would bother me, but given the guy, it doesn't. I really would like to get into a relationship with him but fear messing up his friendship with me and the rest of my family in the process. This isn't some sleazy 42 year old guy who has been stalking young girls, either. He's a genuinely nice guy, and has been there for my family countless times over the last couple of years. I think he has feelings for me back but doesn't want to say anything because he is such a great friend. I've looked up the signs to tell if a guy likes you (however corny that is) and all signs point to yes. I think I was actually trying to get the signs to point to no though so I would have a reason to not ask him out, because my heart is already telling me that, yes, he does indeed love me back. So, my question is... what do you think I should do? I am not the "typical" 18 year old by far and this isn't a giddy crush that I've had in the past. There are no butterflies in my stomach; I just get instantly happier when I see him no matter what the day so far has brought. Advice, please? Also, how can I tell him that I like him without making him feel obligated to like me back? Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Thanks guys. Deema - I know exactly where you're coming from and understand completely what you're saying. I would probably give the same advice if someone asked me... but this guy is different. He's not some pervert out to get young kids, not at all. He's just a guy who hangs out with my family (usually not with me alone, although I have been alone with him before)... and ever since I can remember I've really, really liked him. It took me awhile before I could understand (and admit) it.
Thanks for your help everyone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): I think you should pursue this relationship and ask him out. If you really have feelings for this man, the worst thing you can do is to let them stay bottled up inside of you, without letting him know. It sounds like you need to make the first move, because it looks like he's not going to. If you don't pursue this relationship, you may end up regretting it for the rest of your life, and never know how things might've turned out. This man could be the love of your life, and it would be awful to let that pass you by. Like the old saying goes, "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." And you have your dad's blessing, so there's no reason not to. What have you got to lose, after all? The worst that can happen is he can say no. Then, it will be off your shoulders. You will have at least tried to pursue the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (21 May 2008):
 I still say the same hun. I know you really like him and that makes it tough but there's a lot going on here. Just be careful. Don't want to see you get hurt. He's the older person in the relationship here - he knows he shouldn't really be hanging out with 18 year olds. I think it is a HUGE boost to his ego to see young girls wanting him. Like I said, just be careful. xx
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A
female
reader, shorty123 +, writes (20 May 2008):
shorty123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, it isn't the age that has me so worried but the fact that he is such a great friend. It's not a silly "crush" which is exactly the problem. I know what a crush feels like and this isn't it. I am worried though, that it may end in a disaster, which is why I am cautious in taking any further steps. Oh, and before any one asks - I have a perfectly healthy relationship with my father. This guy is not a father figure at all to me - I have other guys around that age who are so I also know the difference between the types of love. I forgot to mention though that before this one girl gave him his number and then the next week he told her he didn't want to go out. She didn't know him for nearly as long as me, but it didn't ruin their friendship or anything. One of the reasons he turned her down is because he was under a lot of stress at the time and he said quite honestly, in past relationships the girls have normally asked him out. So, that along with knowing him pretty well, tells me that he would never make a move on me without me taking at least a first step. He is not the typical guy who needs to have his ego inflated. :-) Thanks for the responses, keep it coming. It helps me just to talk about it with complete strangers, as opposed to my family and friends who know us both. (My mom is against it but she'll come around if we decide to go out, and my dad is for it because he knows how great this guy really is.)
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (20 May 2008):
Wow, its wierd, today must be the day for age differences!!! You're the third I've replied to in the last 10 minutes. I'll tell you same as I told them. Age difference can be got over - if you're both mature enough to want the same things, have the same values, and the understanding that is needed to get through this. I know, I have a huge age gap in my relationship. Sometimes its easy, sometimes not, but then thats how all relationships go. But he is 31, so he is more mature, though sometimes doesn't seem like it to me because of his culture background. But we do have the same values and somehow we connect at a very deep level. You however are much younger. At 18 we can and do get hung up several times on men much older than us - ususally its people in power positions, doctors, dentists, media people etc, and whether its real love or not, it feels like love. He is old enough to know what he's doing, but he may be flattered having the attention of a gorgeous young lady. I don't think you should do the asking out anyway. A man likes to be the man in a relationship, so if there is going to be any asking out he should be the one doing it. Besides,, if you wait for that, you'll know if he really does want that rather than you wondering later if he ever would have asked you out, had you not been brave enough to do so. Waiting would prove to you if you are onthe right track or not, Surely? Just be careful hun. If he is the great friend you say he is to you and your family, do you want to spoil that? A mistaken come on can cause all sorts of problems and he may back off completely if all he was doing was being friendly. Hold your horses. See what comes. In the meantime, look out for someone your own age to have fun with. He may not be so important then. xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Are you kidding? You 18 and hes 42. Going any further could ruin you and your familys friendship with him. Just think of others aswell as yourself. Hes old enough to be your dad! Think of it this way, is it IS love then it wont last anyway. Come on your going to be 26 and hes going to be 50. You will look one very silly girl indeed.I am 20 and i have been in a relationship with my 17yr old gf for over 1yr i would never go younger than 17 and i would NEVER go older than 26. 42 is too much. Forget your silly crush. It will end in disaster.
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