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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a really bad reputation for cheating- I've cheated on pretty much every guy I've been with since I was about twelve. Usually it's just kisses but a couple of times I gave oral sex to guys who weren't my boyfriend, even when there was nothing wrong with the relationships. I recently cheated on someone who I was very much in love with and felt terrible afterwards. So OK, no excuses, it's a horrible thing to do, and I really don't want to do it anymore as I know I wouldn't like the same thing done to me. Any ideas about how to stop my bad habits? I don't like to believe 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): Well for starters, you have to believe in yourself that you can stop cheating. Until you find the one you really love, you might always have a desire to cheat. When you find that one guy that sweeps you off your feet, then you won't even think about having relations with another man. So, keep looking for that special man. He is out there somewhere.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005): its nothing to do with self esteem, sometimes we all need excitement in our lives to feel like we are doing something naughty,breaking the rules, society dictates how we should life and lead our relationships, lets face it 200 or less years ago it was considered normal that men had mistresses and women romped with stable boys etc etc, the question is are you doing this because you dont have enough exitement in your relationship, or just because it makes you feel alive, everyone loves to be naughty it starts at a young age and never really goes.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 August 2005):
 I suspect that you don't like yourself very much, and the cheating is a way to get instant attention from all kinds of guys, which helps boost your ego. Ultimately though, you're damaging your relationships and contributing to your own self-esteem problem by acting like a... a woman of low character.
If I'm right in my suspicion, then you don't believe that your boyfriends like you very much and so it doesn't seem to you like such a betrayal to be kissing or having oral sex with guys other than your boyfriend.
But the truth is that it's a very big violation of trust, and keeping up the way you are will eventually destroy any relationship you have.
The only way to get over this is to find out why you have such low self-esteem that you feel that you have to keep boosting it by flitting from one guy to another. The other thing you need to do is remind yourself that the cheating doesn't "fix" your problem. Giving oral sex to some guy you don't even care about doesn't make you sexy or fun or interesting or make men value you more. In fact, it tends to do the opposite: it makes you look like a sleaze.
So what you're really doing is sabotaging yourself. Being aware of that might help you to stop cheating in your relationships. By cheating, you're ruining what you have with your current boyfriend, and you're showing other guys that you're not worth their trust or care, either.
Doesn't leave much, does it?
If you want to have a satisfying relationship with someone who loves and trusts you, you have to be loveable and trustworthy. When you're tempted to cheat, imagine how your boyfriend would feel if he was right there watching, then be strong and remind yourself that you ARE worth loving.
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A
male
reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (14 August 2005):
 self-control.. just promise yourself to never do it again.. and everytime you have an urge to just remember your promise. i wonder what the reason for cheating all the time is. maybe you aren't completely satisfied with what you have already? whatever the reason im sure your boyfriend can help satisfy you
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