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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Has your husband (or long term boyfriend) ever left you to be with her (the mistress)? Did they work out?Mine left me 18 months ago and has now brought a house with her. We were together for 10 years and have three children together but he treats me like crap and always tries to get a reaction from me by telling me plans for the future with her. He looks much better now and has become so much more responsible with our children. We do not get on there is always constant drama (not on my part). Although my life looks better on the outside. I have done alot of self healing, lost weight and all that. I still feel so much pain inside. The thought of him living with her child and my children being so stressed as they cannot see there father as much as they'd like. The fact that they have brought their first house together and I am still in a council place. The fact that he is working so hard to make it work with her when he didnt try half as hard with us. We were first loves but now seem to be enemies. Just wondered if anyone has been where I am and whether the relationship with you ex and his mistress (or new girlfriend) lasted the distance.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (2 December 2008):
 Yes indeed FORGIVENESS IS DIVINE! You are welcome with Blessings. It's hard sometimes to choke down the emotions that come from what you are experiencing now. God puts folks like us on the earth to help others. Many will one day need our experiences to help give HOPE to those who otherwise have pretty much lost the Will to go on.
Sharing our trials and tribulations, connecting to those in need and making the best possible world for those around us. This is what the world needs more of. I hope that my words here will help someone else to suffer less and find more peace within themselves.
Bible Quotes:
*Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.(Matt 5:5) Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the sons of God. (Matt 5:9) Blessed are the Pure in heart for they shall see God.
One last thing:
(Matt 5:8)Suffer the little Children to come unto me and forbid them not to come unto me for of such is the Kindowm of God. (Mark 10:14)
Find strenght in God and YOURSELF!
For help in finding the needed counseling and/or therapy, I suggest that you first check with your local or state government to see what is available. I am based in the USA and we have facilities here for this type of situation. The courts could possibly help if you are already going thru the divorce and it's in the courts. I am not sure about in the UK.
You might find help in the UK Counseling Directory or try Good Therapy.org which I believe is based in Glasgow.
The sites are as follows.
www.goodtherapy.org.UK-therapist.htm
www.clinical-depression.co.uk
Or type Counseling and Therapy in the United Kingdom.
Sorry I don't know how to make a link from here the Angel is not PURRRFECT. 8-)
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionArrrr thankyou Blue Angel. Twas a breath of fresh air talking to you. Lol about the artificial turf! I like that one.
Therapy sounds very good. Do you know where I could go to make a start. Do you need to get a referal? My son said today just spontaneously. 'I tell all my friends about my dad'. I said what do you say to them? and he said he tells them that his dad has big muscles and they say that they could pinch his dad and kick him. I asked him how it made him feel. He was actually able to say it made him feel angry and that he could feel his heart going boom boom!!!
I do have alot of faith in God and if it wasnt for him I dont know how I would have been able to forgive. Even though I do feel saddened at times and hurt when my son hits a soft spot.
It is deffinately about me and the kids. There are my main and focus!
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (1 December 2008):
You are welcome hon. I too feel for you and your stressful situation. My daughter referred to the Grass on the other side of the hill as ARTIFICIAL TURF! *LOL* Their Father too was so involved with the other woman who also had children that he basically forgot to be the Father they were used to. Thru the years, sad to say it turned into just about NO FATHER AT ALL. 8-(
The fact that you have forgiven him is the best thing you can do for yourself. Keeping the anger and frustration is even harder on your emotions when you can't forgive. It makes you a BETTER PERSON than he for doing so.
Your youngest child is being traumatized from the situation and I highly suggest getting him in some type of therapy. It will help you to know more about how to cope and deal with his feelings and actions. Children can be very receptive to an adult's feelings and they aren't quite capable of understanding, so they simply REACT! It's possible that without intervention he may get worse.
Focus on your children, put them first, however don't forget YOUSELF. Take one day at the time. Enjoy the Christmas Season with your precious children and know that you are not alone. God is with you, even until the end. Keep the faith and if you stumble and fall, it's ok cause he'll carry you thru.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou both for you comments. I know that I do not want to be with him and I know I cannot do anything about what has happened. I just wish he was with someone else, someone that had no connection to us at all. I want him to be happy and I am finding my happiness. I love my children dearly. My oldest son aged 5 is so angry at the moment and is emotinally unstable. I think it is because he had seen me cry so often at the beginning of the breakup. My ex left us when I was pregnant with our third child and my oldest was only three. I really do not want to be with him but it just hurts that he is still with her. I forgive him in my heart and have taken the time to try and understand (not justify) his actions. Just wondered if the grass is as green on the other side as it seems to be. His life has improved as he has more money as that is no longer shared with us, less time to see his kids therefore more QUALITY TIME spent on children, More quality time to spend with her, More time to do the things he always wanted to do as he has a whole 2 weeks to himself all the time. Just wondered if statistics show the second relationship lasting in these circumstances as he is really free and single now that he know longer holds the fatherly duties that he found so hard to adjust too.
Thanks again for taking the time to answer. God Bless x
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Hi, Feeling very bad for you, but I agree with everything Blue Angel has advised. Let him go, seek your own happiness and take care of your children, we can't explain chemistry sometimes. Just know this, as I always say, I do not want to be with anyone, repeat, anyone, who does not want to be with me, I am special, if you don't think I am, keep walking. You will be better as time goes on, don't look back, and I would think about a divorce, otherwise your life
will be legally tangled up with them forever. Cut the ties. Be free and prosper, it will be better for your health. Oh yes, him talking about his relationship with the other woman, he wants to rattle your cage, I would not allow it, listen to him, if you want but do not hear him. Be happy in your own world. I would not waste my life, waiting for him to come back, if he did, he would probably cheat with both of you.
Let it go. Good luck, take care.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (30 November 2008):
Mine did and he married her. We were together just over 14 years. I see him from the outside and it all seems well enough, however my children have told me on several occasions that things are worse in some ways than it ever was with me. Now to say it I still love him in my heart but I let him go. If he is happier now I am glad. I am sad but happy. Mixed emotions are hard to deal with sometimes. My children were my main concern. I was 34 when it all happened but he had cheated several times before.
For your own sanity and peace of mind, let him go. If he can do for the childen and keep them as stable as possible, then find your own way from this place to a new life of your own. Live each day as you are expecting an even better tomorrow. Set new goals, make new dreams,love your children wholeheartedly, never give up.
You are hurt and I do understand completely, I was devasted and so were my children but I did everything for the Betterment of my children. Take on a job if you don't have one. Stay busy, stay focused and keep your head up high. Love is powerful, no one knows what tomorrow brings, perhaps it will bring him back to your door.....and if it does, it's up to you whether to let him in or not.
These things all happen for different reasons, Sometimes peole grow apart and don't know how to get it back together again. Sometimes we realize that it was best after all. Whatever the case you do your best for your children, stay strong, seek help if you need to. Don't worry about him, he's a grown man, worry about THE CHILDREN and YOU! Worrying over him and what he wants and thinks could drive you crazy. I don't believe in divorce but I do know that sometimes in today's society it can't be helped. I pray that he will realize that he is breaking up a home by breaking his MARRIAGE VOWS and the HEARTS OF HIS CHILDREN.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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