A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé use to have a friend with benefits. I often wonder what he did in exchange for her when they had sex. Did he buy her gifts or give her money for sex. She wanted a FWB relationship. He wanted more than that from a relationship.I got my Christmas gift early this year. It was a very nice gift. He said he knew I needed the gift and that he appreciates all the sexual favors I do for him.I've never had that phrased to me in that way before. I'm not sure how to take that terminology. The term, Sexual Favors used to be money for sex. Maybe the term has "evolved" more from just money for sex into a more meaningful term. Or am I just kidding myself?Would you feel cheapened (like you are prostituting yourself) by the use of that term from your fiancé, like the gift was a way of giving back to you for the exchange for sex or would you view it as meaning more. Was it a poor choice of words on his part?The more I type about this the more I am getting upset by that reference. Maybe that is how he really views a relationship now after his prior experiences with women, which have not been good in the past. Now I have a sick knot in my stomach.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): I would be upset by that phrase. Ask him exactly what he meant by that. Gifts should be given with love and while he may appreciate your sex life that evaluation of it and the reason for you gift isn't a good sign imo.Sexual FavourAny sexual act in a subservient-dominant relationship—e.g., employee-employer, student-professor, registrar-consultant—which is exchanged for privileged treatment in a workplace, better grades, career advancement, etc.1 sexual favour1) A form of payment in kind involving sexual activities, usually between a subordinate and a superior. E.g an employee-employer, student-lecturer, etc.2) Engaging in a sexual activity with someone in exchange for gifts.Example 1. Student: Sir, please, my grades are down. How can I get them back up? I'd really love to graduate this year. Lecturer: Read more, take your projects seriously. Student: How about a sexual favour? (Unbuttoning blouse) I'd take you places you've never been.Example 2. Brianne traded getting promoted with sexual favours, threatening to fire anyone who failed to comply.
A
female
reader, Delirium +, writes (2 December 2014):
 You're the best judge of his presentation, did it sound like a poorly worded joke? I know my boyfriend (of 4 yrs) will occasionally make similar tasteless jokes in private but he knows when he's crossed the line. I've even once got a check from him (I pay the rent out of my paycheck and he writes me a check when he gets his so these come in on a monthly basis) with "For Sex" in the memo line. I gave it to the bank anyway since it did make me laugh but I can easily see if he had done that to a different girlfriend it could have gone over very badly. If you feel offended by his choice of words then be sure he knows that or else you may have a repeat on your hands.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2014):
 I think it was just a poor choice of words on his part. What he's saying is he loves you and your sex life with him, he just didn't have the right words.
when he had an FWB what he gave her was exactly what she gave him friends and sex.
IF he gave her monetary compensation that's prostitution not FWB.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014): You do not give FWBs money, it is a friendship where sex is shared until either party decides to end the sex or look for a relationship, it is not prostitution.
He was kind of a dick saying he appreciates the sexual favours (Sex acts, not money for sex), as it implies you got nothing from it, if you didn't maybe talk to him about that.
Definitely talk about your dislike of his phrasing and find out what he was actually trying to say. He's engaged to you, I'm sure he never meant to reduce your relationship like that in any way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014): I think it was just a very poor choose of words. He could have said something: I want to give you this present, you turn me on so much or something like that. Sexual favors sound dry weird, tell you the truth.
FB is a term and form of "relationship" that was primarily created by men to avoid any commitment and especially monetary investment. So, if it was FB he didn't give her any gifts, be ause a woman usually don't expect it in the situation like this.
Usually it's the other way around: women want more from this, not men, but sometimes it happens for men also.
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A
female
reader, justwannabehappy  +, writes (2 December 2014):
Did he say in a humorous tone? Is he usually a guy who is a bit socially awkward?
It all depends on how he said, if he truly meant and if he did so, what does it mean for him?
You know him best, so either think about it and find an answer that you can calmly accept or try talking about it.
He is your fiancée after all, and you are probably very involved with each other so it shouldn't be a problem just asking him what he meant by saying that. It could just have been a casually nice appreciative comment. :-)
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