A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been really helped in the past on here so I'll try again. I am engaged, very happily (or so I thought). We are a couple that has been together for 5 years, with a 2 year break up in the midde. During that time we both went a bit crazy, sleeping around etc, with her fighting to get me back always, and I wasn't interested, allthough I missed her very much. Finally, we saw each other for the first time in 2 years and we just clicked, moved in together for the first time, and a year later got engaged. We're moving to a new house and talking about children and the wedding. She goes away for work a lot, and I have always trusted her. However there was one time I had a suspicion, (back in 2008)! and I have tried to talk about it with her and she says I'm being ridiculous. So I stupidly decided to go through her stuff, and found a document on her computer telling this person I was concerned about that "she was tired of living a pretend life, had written dozens of journals about him and she was in love with him, he pleasured her sexually and she was deeply in love with him and wanted to stop pretending, and go be with him" now the document was created at the time of my suspicion. At the same time, I know she cheated on her Ex (before me, 2006) with this same guy, and the story is almost the same. At this time, when I started having suspicions, I felt uneasy, and unconfident in our relationship (only after this time) and ended up getting drunk a couple of times and "slipping up". I wouldn't dream of this now - I wouldn't have dreamt of it then either, had I not felt betrayed. So it seems her affair was an emotional planned out one, and mine was a reaction. So here's where I need help. This was before our first break up, when we were dating. We were young - now we are 5 years older, and ready to get married, so part of me says "forget the past, different times, different people." Part of me says, "I thought even then that we were hopelessly in love and devoted to each other" and makes me feel sick. I know what I want to hear. I want to hear that the past has led us to where we are now, the good and the bad, and now we know what we want...but...is that the case?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 Yes it's true that your past shapes your future and that it makes you the current person you are. However the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour so it may pay to have a serious talk with her over your thoughts and worries.
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