A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,A few days ago I found out on my husband's e-mail that he is having an internet female friend. Going thru the mail he has talked to her about our 2 year old son, described himself and has asked her out for lunch. She sends him her personal problems and he finds the solution. She stays a few miles away from our town and my husband has given her his contact. He mentioned call me when you're in town. They have kept in touch since August 2007. When I found out I asked my husband about her e-mails and he hesitated to speak. He just told me they are internet friends. He even lied to her about his age. my husband is 39 but he told her he is 35. Going thru all his reply I found out he never mentioned me to his internet friend, he never mentions me his wife. He told her that he had a boring new year just staying home. My question is why does my husband need an intenet friend to be a female. I believe that husband and wife should be best friends and share intimate secrets but here my husband has someone outside to discuss each others problem. He got angry when I talked about her and why he did not mention me that he has an internet female friend. I guess they must have obviously met each other since they have kept in touch for so long. I am wondering have they slept with each other. Just how close are they.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): i think it is very wrong,he don't need an internet friend,tell him to go to a therapist if he wants to talk to someone,i don't know if he has slept with her, but i think eventually it can lead to that, i wouldnt of even let on that you knew anything i would of played dumb and then snag him...try not to let the jealousy come out nor the insecure feelings you have..i feel for you..and i know you must be going out of your mind..he is in the wrong..don't spend to much time on this you'll only worry yourself more,good luck to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi to u all,thanks for your advise. Well one thing i really learned today is that there are people out there hidden but can still be such a big help can understand feelings, have pains too. thanks guys for yur help. iam going to get back to u all after talking to my husband,digging in and finding out more. actuall i forgot to tell u guys that the day i found out her mails o my husband net address i wrote to her using my husbands e-mail. well it was a friendly approach from my side and i introduced myself to her that iam his wife. i also mention bit about my life. actually i met my husband in year 2000. we have been married 4 years. All these i mentioned to her including my past career as a restaurant manager for mcdonals etc. i also told her that yes my husband and i are runing our own business and i basically lok after the admin side.well i also gave her my e-mail add but it has been a week she has not responed. i checked my husbands email daily but didnt see any mails from her. we got our own laptop and basically we use our laoptop to check mails and this is the only source for my hus. but since that day he has not gone into net and if to receive any company mails he tells me to go thru. but i know they know eachothes contact for sure.see ya
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (23 February 2008):
The fact that he is keeping the two of you secret from each other does not bode well for his intentions, nor does the fact that he got angry and defensive when you questioned him. Obviously she fills some need for him that you don't, but it's still a question of what that is. Does he just need someone to talk to? Is he going through a mid-life crisis and just having a mild flirtation to see if he "still has it"? Does he just need the excitement of a secret correspondence, or something that's his and his alone? What does seem to be a good sign is you read through their correspondence and don't mention finding anything flirtatious our sexual. If he is "dating" her and she doesn't know about you then you would think there would be something like that. Lunch isn't exactly a sexy rendevous. As much as you may be freaking out, I think you need to try and calm down, not jump to any conclusions and find out what this is about for him. It's possible it may not be as bad as you think.
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A
female
reader, angmigs101 +, writes (23 February 2008):
hi. i know how u feel it happened with me and my boyfriend in 4th grade. i found out he was cheating on me for someone else i got over it. but when it's ur husband u gotta fight backand find info, about this girl and why he is so attached to her. I wish u the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (23 February 2008):
 Hi hun
As if life is not complicated enough...this is not good and hurtful to boot. The internet makes it so much easier for 'friends' to meet and talk...and yes things can move beyond friendship faster I think. I am assuming that he does not have a private email address from you? How did he take it when you mentioned you had read his email. Generally if cyber cheating is happening there is a hidden inaccessbile email address for the spouse.
You are correct my dear...you should be numero uno...not this undisclosed lady. And undisclosed he wanted her to be or he would have mentioned her. Could be she is just a bud but if this was this the case he should have mentioned her to you and should have mentioned you to her. He did not do this. I have married men who are friends of mine but so are their wives.
Do not assume he has slept with her...give him the benefit of the doubt. You are imagining this right now because you are blindsided and hurt. He could be feeling lonely and vulnerable for some reason...draw him out..try to get to the crux of it. If your communication styles are out of whack right now he may be reaching out to someone who feels understands him better...she does not..you do because you have the history with him. It is a catch 22 because if you tell him to give her up that will up her appeal to him.
Gone are the days when a woman has to contend with being made to feel second best. Do not doubt yourself here but open yourself up to the man you married, try to recapture something...try to bring back the magic...but watch to make sure he is putting in an effort as well. If he resists and continues this... I would wonder. Offer to meet her..see what he says. If you keep slamming up against a wall..I do not see why you should stay with someone who would treat you this way. A temporary parting of the ways should show him you have your dignity and worth too. Good luck hun and keep us posted xxx
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