A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will try to keep this as short as I can. I would really appreciate any advice. My ex and I were together for about 5 years and we were engaged for about 2. He is in the military so for some time we were in a long distance relationship. About a year ago I moved close to where he lived so I can also go to grad school. The main reason I moved was because of him. During that year we ran into some problems. I discovered he had cheated on me while we were doing the long distance relationship. So during that year, we tried to work on our issues but I still had doubts about him. So after the year passed and I had summer break, I went back home to see my family. I wanted to stay because I missed them and because I felt lonely in a place with no friends. I decided to stay but he got so mad that I didn't move back so he broke it off. He said I was in no hurry to move forward and that he is tired of always trying. He said that he has been wanting to get married for some time. we broke up about 4 months ago. At the beginnig he was trying to convince me to move back, and I was trying to convict him that I will wait for him here until his duty ends, which is in only in a few months. We both live in the south so he would have come back close to where I live anyway. I told him I still wanted to be with him, that I could be here so I can plan a wedding with both of our families to help me. But he didn't want to. anyways, I just recently found out he is dating someone new (from him) after he first told me he wasn't, that he doesn't like me as a person, and to return his stuff so we can both be on our way. He then said he is being transferred to a base right in the city where I live! I don't understand why he needed to tell me that if he says he has moved on. Can someone please give me any idea? Has he really moved on? Do I still stand a chance?
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broke up, cheated on me, engaged, long distance, military, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Yeah i see the predicement you are in, my best bet would be to send him one last email telling him how you feel and what your decision is, make him feel like he is going to loose you for good, i grantee you then he will act upon it. Sorry speaking from a soldiers point of view. We tend to anyizise the sitation before determining a oucome. Just do what i say then leave it as NO CONTACT and move on your merry way, if he contacts you and when is a another different matter. Just hand in there and focus on yourself for now and keep busy whilst awaiting reply. goodluck my freind..
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Male anon, I wasn't being negative just simply stating the truth in which you have seen for yourself being in the army. It's evident that her ex boyfriend falls into that category due to his cheating nature. I will say there are some males in the Army that can be faithful such as yourself..It is about cheating, engaged to be married, and he goes cheating on his fiance. How can you brush off that awful act? If he really wanted to marry her, he would have already. She's better off without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea I tried to tell him how I felt but he responded by saying he didn't know what to say. Every time I have contacted to him to at least stay in touch as friends, I feel like he doesn't want to talk. One time he even said we were better off as a couple than friends. He seems like he still holds a resentment against me. I hvent gotten far when trying to talk to him, and he hasn't really much done either. All he does is blame me.
I have tried to work things out but it seems like he doesn't want to. but then again I don't understand why he had to tell me he was being transferred close to where I live. Maybe it's because he wanted to let me know in case I see him with his new someone. I dunno.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): wow tennistar way to be so negative and put negative thoughts in this girls head. Listen not all guys are like this, i myself 25years old went army for 5 years and me and my girl got through it fine and happily maried no,, some people can handle LDR's, some cant. Its not about cheating or whos doing this or that, its about the connection you have, the level of love and trust involved on both sides. You must talk to your bf/ex and find out what the real go is and sort things out, ohteriwse you will forever be wondering and asking questons on a site like this. Dont be afraid to speak yuor heart and mind ti him, because remember, We have only one life and get to do this only once. So you might aswel give ti all you got while you can champ
goodluck!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 October 2010):
I know 5 years is a lot to swallow but if this is who he is now, and the military does change you, then that's someone you definitely don't want to marry. Being an army wife myself, I see a lot of everyone cheating on everyone. Males cheating on their girlfriends, going out to clubs and hooking up with girls that aren't there's, wives cheating on husbands while they're deployed, and husbands cheating on their wives, those risk being dismissed. The Army will not put up with adultery. I will say every single male in the military, that go in young, go through that party phase, hooking up with lots of women, going to strip clubs not the LDR type. It's like that before deployment and after. I met my husband after he grew out of that stage, thank god. Marriage is a huge commitment and marrying into the army is another. So if he's like this then you avoided an annulment or a divorce.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea he said I should move back and get married then, and hve our families travel there. The whole time I lived there though he just wanted to get married, but u know, I had some trust issues and he just though I would get over it the next day. Even though I had forgiven him, I wanted a sense of emotional security. He didn't get that.
It's really sad for me to let go of five years. He was really great until he joined the military. It wasn't for him and he would let me know. He basically did it for us. and it frustated him that I wouldn't marry him soon after he joined. But it wasn't because I didn't love him. I just look at things differently. To me, marriage is a huge commitment.
I'm realizing that I am better off without him. As I wrote my little story in here, I realize I deserve better. it's just really hard to move on. Anyways, thanks for the advice!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 October 2010):
You were engaged for 2 years, what was the hold up on the wedding? Some bullshit that he said you were in no hurry to move forward, when the reason you moved was to be near him. And you moved back home because he cheated on you along with your doubts..He's been wanting to marry you for some time but when you say you moved back home to plan the wedding, he didn't want that. Ugh if he really wanted to make you his wife, he would have agreed to whatever it takes for you to officially be his.
Honey, it's obvious your ex is a liar and can't be trusted..He cheated on you during your LDR, if he wanted to marry you, he would have done it a long time ago, tells you he doesn't like you as a person, and wants you to send his stuff back..I say it's definitely over..it's evident he has another girl friend. Let him go, he's not worth your time, or gas moving back and forth. Get a box to ship back all of his crap in, and pawn your ring if he didn't make you give it back. Sorry but it's over.
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