A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and my ex is 24. We were together for 4 and a half years since I was 17. We broke up 2 months ago because he kept lying to me and I was so hurt I ended it while I was at university; I was so angry and upset. At first he text me saying he can't live without me, needs me, wants me back etc. But a week later when I came home from uni for Easter he didn't ask to see me at all. Instead of fighting for me like he always said he would he told me he didn't deserve me and that I was too good for him and that he can't hurt me anymore, he just wants me to be happy. I went round to his house and we both cried, ended up sleeping together, he took me to lunch and acted like we had never broken up telling me he loves me. But then afterwards, he kept saying "I don't know what I want" and that he's confused. This went on for weeks while I was back at uni. Then he told me he had met this girl and she had kissed him. This happened another couple of times and he told me about it. He said he still loved me but he likes her and has met up with her a few times. When I came back from uni he wouldn't text me unless I text him, and then he would just say "I don't know what I want" over and over again. I was in shock. Our whole relationship he adored me, he loved me more than I loved him it seemed. He even kept asking me to marry him and always said he can't live without me and I was everything to him. I couldn't understand why he didn't want me but he said he can't hurt me anymore, he hates himself for it. I went to see him the day after I saw him in town with the girl he's seeing and he said he wasn't attracted to her but she's a nice person. We slept together and he said I'm still everything to him. I asked him to stop seeing her as he hardly knows her and he said he wanted me. He promised he would and we were kissing and acting like we were together again. I went home and he text me saying he missed me but he wouldn't tell me he loved me unless I asked.I went back to uni and he became distant with texting but he'd answer if I rang him. He said he considered himself single because I ended it. He said he hadn't seen the girl again but still didn't know what he wants. He lost his phone so I didn't contact him for a week. After I week I rang his house phone and he had his phone back but hadn't contacted me. He said he had been seeing a lot of this girl and was starting to find her sexy. I got upset but he was asking me what I had been doing and what I was doing now and when he thought I had changed my number he got upset and angry. I know he still cares. I asked if I could see him when I'm home and he said he doesn't know if he wants to. He said he won't cheat on this girl. I said how can you not want to kiss me or have sex with me again and he said he does. Then he said again he doesn't know what he wants. I got upset and said he didn't care and goodbye forever and hung up. Later on, after crying, I text him saying could I ring him. He said no and asked why I had hung up. I asked to meet one last time to say goodbye in person as I didn't want to leave things this way after nearly 5 years together. I said I still loved him and knew he still loved me. I said Please. He didn't reply. I haven't contacted him since I've been home from uni for over a week. My friend told me yesterday that his facebook says he's in a relationship with this girl. I'm devastated, I know he can't mean it. He told me he was depressed and not over me last time I saw him face to face. I know this must be his way of coping with it. He loved me so much we spoke every day for 4 and a half years, he wanted to marry me. We did everything together. When we were together he was devoted, he never even looked at another woman. It makes no sense how he can not want me and want her. I know it must be rebound. But it still hurts so much he can get into a new relationship 2 months after we split when we were still in contact and slept together 3 weeks ago. I thought about writing a letter or going to see him face to face even if I get hurt, cos I know he's just trying to get over me. You can't be with someone as long as we have and be that in love and want to marry them and then get with another girl that fast and mean it. I don't know how he can be so cruel but if he's depressed perhaps it's his way of dealing with it? What do you think? Thanks so much
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 I think he's been trying to detach himself from you and the relationship for a long time. And he does it with his "woe is me" attitude so that you FEEL bad for him, instead of yourself.
Honey, he IS moving on. With another girl. One who is "right" there while you are away.
I think if I were you, I would CUT the contact 100% and start the process of moving on too.
You DO deserve better then a guy who cheats on you because he think "out of sight out of mind". He is RUBBING it in that he is seeing someone else.
Maybe she is nothing but a rebound, but in all of this do you really think his treatment of you is OK? Is that OK for a guy to do IF he loves his GF? Because personally I think his behavior is F'd up. He sounds cruel and selfish.
Good luck. I'd let this one back in the pond.
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