A
female
age
36-40,
*nonymous12345678910
writes:Sorry it's so long-I'm very bad at saying things in a quick way lolI have (or had until the other day lol) a boyfriend who lives in a city about 30 miles away from me.He's on a low income with children to support so I didn't expect him to find the train fare to come to my place and other than on than a handful of occasions it was always me going down there,weekly for a couple of days at a time,for about 3 years now.About 2 months ago, he invited me down there but then cancelled just as I was about to get on the train with a rather dodgy sounding excuse.I thought it was probably just because the world cup was on and he'd decided to watch it with his mates rather than someone who knows nothing about football lol so I went along with his excuse and he did invite me a few days later and there didn't seem to be anything wrong.However,he stopped calling me as often and then suddenly announced he wanted to come to mine-when I asked why he said he just wanted a change of scenary and I gave him the benefit of the doubt but the week after he came to mine I said I'd be in his area the next day and could I come over and he paused for ages then sheepishly said he had something to tell me and that he'd rented out his flat-well I was pretty suspicious because why did he not just tell me that in the first place? he even came to mine for the weekend and didn't mention it the whole time he was here! I asked him about the tenants and he told me different stories about how long they were staying and who they were-the first time I asked they were 21 year old students in town for the uni holidays and the second time I asked they were 28 year old school teachers! Anyway,I went along with it and gave him the benefit of the doubt but it seemed really dodgy-he was very keen to stress it was two men living there when I didn't even ask what sex they were and he kept ignoring my texts then asking why I hadn't contacted him almost like someone had deleted my texts off the phone.He didn't come to see me again for over 2 weeks then when he was here he kept phoning some woman who when I confronted him about it,he claimed it was his son then admitted it was a woman but said she was just a business associate and that she was gay.anyway,I asked him why he didn't just tell me before about renting out the flat and he was supposedly worried I'd grass him up if we fell out (it's illegal because it's council) but I'm not buying that because I know about other things he's done that I've never reported him for when we've had big arguments before and he has dirt on me too.I was about to go round and knock the door to see who's there then pretend I'd got the wrong house or something but the other day he called and picked an argument over nothing (why haven't I called him-when I have about 4 times and text as well and he never replied) so I just lost it and straight up accused him and we had a massive row.We haven't even talked since.I don't know if we can fix things this time but if we're going to try I need to know what he's hiding-I can't even knock the door now because if I do and whoever's there tells him I'll look like a stalker and if it's a woman we'd probably end up fighting anyway and I can't afford to get a criminal record right now...we were making all these plans together and I was going to move closer to him,he said he didn't want me to move in because his ex wife had put him off living with anyone and we argued over it but I ended up reluctantly accepting it because I want to be with him so if he's moved someone else in it will be like a knife in my heartso was I wrong to accuse him? does anyone else think it looks dodgy? I did just wonder if it was one of his kids staying there.He has a daughter my age and I don't think she knows about me, she lives in the US though and I'm sure he would have mentioned if she was coming over even if he didn't say she was staying at the flat it's not likely anyway because she's got kids and it's only a 1 bed place. Now I think of it I've seen things in the flat that make me suspicious-like he had ladies perfume but he reckoned he bought it cheaply from a shoplifter and he was using it himself (which could be true because he uses my body spray) and he had "whitening face wash" in the bathroom but he doesn't bleach his skin-he said he misread the label and thought it was for cleaning the bath with but he never threw it away.He tells me never to answer the door as well (in case the tv licence people come round apparently) I just don't know what to think
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 If he had the KIDS staying he could just have told you that. Not the whole - renting out to students, then renting out to teachers.... He LIES because he doesn't WANT you to know, because he KNOWS how you would react to the truth.
I think YOU know this as well. There is no trusting a compulsive liar, they lie like other people breathe air.
A
female
reader, anonymous12345678910 +, writes (4 September 2014):
anonymous12345678910 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI,thanks for your answers-it's a relief to know it really did look dodgy and I wasn't being crazy accusing him.Well just before the site published my question,he called me and swore blind he was telling the truth about the tenants but claimed they'd left and asked me to go down there-I went partly just to see what was going on but I'm still none the wiser lol-he was keen to sort things out and told me I was just being insecure but there were all these women's hair products (he's definitely not using them himself as he's bald lol)and I found a bra by the bed?! but then it looks like it might just have been his children staying for the holidays as there were toys and stuff for a cat lying around (his son has a cat who goes everywhere with him)and the ex has a 14 year old daughter from a previous partner who he treats like his own so possibly the hair stuff and the bra were hers (it was a very small bra)but then again would he really have 3 kids staying there for weeks in a 1 bedroom place? the mother only lives a couple of miles away so he could easily see them every day anyway,and why lie about them staying? They know about me and I've met his son so it's not that.I guess the stepdaughter might be funny towards me and it would be very cramped with 5 people and the cat but why not just say if that was the reason he didn't want me there? I don't know who would have been babysitting while he was with me either,I guess that could have been who he was phoning.He was on the phone to someone today though and I called him from the other room,not realizing and then they started having an argument and he went outside with the phone-like it was a woman and she started cussing when she heard my voice? I asked to see his phone (I know it's out of order but he does it to me so screw it) and there was someone stored in the phone as "love my wife x" not the person he'd just been talking to but still.It can't have been his legal wife as they obviously don't live together any more and she took out an injunction on him anyway but it could be some other girlfriend-how stupid to save it as that though... perhaps he is deliberately messing with me.Or maybe even it was my number,I couldn't see the actual number-but when I asked him who that was he said his phone "saved it as that by mistake" and that it does weird things,so probably not my number then.I honestly don't know what to think-he does seem to be a compulsive liar but I really love him and who's perfect right but then again what if he really is playing me-there doesn't seem to be any way to find out other than by being sneaky and snooping through his phone ect which I don't like doing
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2014):
He is so full of crap his eyes must be very brown indeed...
Honey, you have spend 3 years with this man, and you were still living apart having your own lives, except from when YOU went (mainly) to see him.
Whenever you ask him something his FIRST instinct is to lie. Even if there is no need to lie.
My advice, LET him go. He isn't worth it. There is no future with him.
Find someone closer to home, whom you can (over time) trust and respect. Not some old geezer who is full of lies.
I'm sorry if that is not what you want to hear, but I think you KNOW deep down what's going on. DO NOT go knock on the door, do not THREATEN whoever lives there. DO NOT even go there. BLOCK his number and move on.
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A
female
reader, countryaly76 +, writes (2 September 2014):
Two sides to every story,,but from what your saying, yes its sounds bad. Too many lies make people suspicious. I think you have reasons to wonder whats going on. All you can really do is communicate with him and ask for the truth, if he doesn't comply just move on. I wouldnt do anything to potentially get myself in trouble if another woman is involved. no fighting. be the bigger person and walk away
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