A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, im so confussed :/ theres this guy that i've been dating, and everything was going good untill last weekend. hes a bouncer and i was on a night out and went to the club were he works and one of my friends wasn't allowed in so started shouting and so on. This guy and I were ok after as it was my friend not me lol The next morning i texted and appoliged and had no relly so texted again, he then called me needy :/. we talked about it and everything was fine. we were suppose to be going on another date tomorrow so i asked if it was still on, and 3 hours later he said he cant as he's working :/. although i do believe he may be working he ignored my last txt i sent and have been constantly online today when he normally isnt. maybe i am looking to much into this but considering we met on a dating site i am quries if he is text/dating anyone else. how can i find this out so i dont get hurt or made a foul of ?? ps. i can tell when hes online as we use whats app
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male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (19 September 2013):
 Because it was going good, I suspect that he changed his mind since seeing your choice of friends. Stay away from his workplace. His job is hard enough as it is.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): To be brutally honest with you, I think he has seen you, by the type of people you hang out with. I`m being honest here, too. You probably are very similar to the people you hang out with. You would not want to hang out with them otherwise. You are probably more suited to the types of guy that he throws out of the club every week, than him.Yes, he will get loads of women (I don't get why he needs a dating site), so move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): He is more than likely texting/talking to many others. Do not chase after this guy. If you are meant to be together it will happen. Just back off. If he would like to go out on another date with you, he will call and ask you. If he doesn't, no big deal. Just move on, be friendly when you see him and that's that. Nothing worse than a needy insecure silly girl to deal with. Don't act up or endulge your loud friends when you are out with them and you see him. He's not likely going to be rude, but it's also not likely what he wants from a potential girlfriend since he deals with that kind of behavior at his job every single night he works. Bouncers seem to be able to attract about any girl and they know it. He's probably used to girls throwing themselves at him. If he is looking for a serious relationship, only the secure, mature beauty will stand out and he will go after her. The rest are simply "right now" girls.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 September 2013):
 Look, 99% of people you meet on a dating site will be seeing other people until they have had at least 5 or 6 dates with someone or maybe even waiting 1-2 months before they decide to go 'exclusive'. That is just the nature of dating sites, when you chat to someone online chances are there will have been a few other people that have caught his eye so he'll chat to them to. Why limit your possibilites when there are 2 or 3 people that you enjoy chatting to? Naturally you want to date them all to see who you get on with best.
So lets assume HE IS dating other people, because most men and women on dating sites do this. If he's not actively dating more than 1 person, he is talking to more than 1 person. That is fairly certain so just assume that you are not the only girl he is dating/chatting to.
As for what happened - you scared him off by being too needy and now it sounds like he's not really interested anymore. The friend thing was weird but you both got over it, however you became needy when he didnt text you back instantly - guys hate demanding girls that require them to text back within 5 minutes otherwise they have a complete meltdown.
Clearly he's not the sort of guy that likes to text frequently, and he probably doesnt like being chased by a girl either - he's probably quite masculine and likes to do the chasing himself. You make it too easy for him by being constantly in his face with the texting and trying to organise dates, so he's lost interest.
You need to stop contacting him and see if he contacts you - if he still hasnt contacted you by Sunday I'd say he's not interested so you need to move on. But in general a guy that REALLY likes a girl will always want to arrange the next date, he wont wait and if he has to cancel he will provide an alternative.
Therefore I'd say he's just not that into you and you need to move on - you cant win them all, he's just not that keen on you so let it go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 I would back off a few days, see if he calls/texts you and if he doesn't. Then I would presume he isn't that into you, and move on.
If you two have only had 2 dates, it's all fairly new and the fact that he didn't try and re-arrange the 3rd date already makes me think he isn't all that keen on you. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): Sorry to say he has lost interest and although it was your friend that caused trouble, it gives him an idea of the type of people you hand around with. These people give him grief at work and are not the kind of people he wants to be associated with.Yes, your behavior could be classed as needy and I would say move on and leave him be.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): I would take it very slow...Also, lay off and allow him the opportunity to chase! You say after the incident with your friend at the club where he is a bouncer, you were "ok" but perhaps not really. Perhaps afterwards the more he thought about it, the more he didn't like what he saw.When you text the next day to apologise and you got no reply, you sent another one. Don't do that - wait for him to respond, if he doesn't, you have your answer: he isn't that into you.That is why he also called you "needy". You are forcing it a little too much. In fact, you are doing the chasing, the pursuing... You asked if the date was still on, he said no he is working. Leave it at that and WAIT for him to call you again for a future date.You make it too easy if he is dating others, that when it's all quiet and you pop up asking him out again, he just needs to say "yes" ok, you "twisted my arm". Let him show he is keen, interested and can't wait to see you, by calling you and asking you out.Yes, if you met on a dating site, until you become exclusive, he will be dating others so go slowly, guard your heart and determine his interest and intentions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): Could be he`s changed his mind since seeing the company you keep. He may just see it as birds of a feather being together? Other than that, it may be that you was just another dating site notch on the bed post? I am surprised a bouncer was on a dating site though, because certain women flock round bouncers. I would not have ever believed he would need to have to use a dating site.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): I was reading through this, then I saw "dating site" and it changed the whole scope of the question.Hun, move on and learn from it.
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