A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for more than 4 years. This has been held back by my bf's unusual obsession with joining free dating sites. It had been a good few months and I really thought he at last had learned his lesson. Clumsily he accidently dropped a phone (not his usual phone) in the passenger side of my car yesterday. It was on silent and had dating applications on it, dirty texts and sexual pictures of several different girls, and also sexual pictures that he had sent, and yes I recognise it. He has not been back in touch yet and feel fairly sure he knows what I have found. I switched the phone off, but now need a code to get back into it so won't be able to prove what I saw. What shall I do? Is there any hope, or has he got a weird addiction? If it wasn't for this he would be perfect .
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female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (23 June 2015):
 I`ve been through something very similar. I dont know about the addiction bit, but it never went away. I think the dating site bit is just an easier opportunity to cheat.
A
female
reader, Help from Lisa +, writes (22 June 2015):
 in my opinion, he doesn't seem like he's worth staying with, for all you know it's not just texting, dating sights and pictures. For all you know he could be sleeping around behind your back.I would strongly suggest that you confront him, if he wasn't up to no good he would have got in contact.What he is doing disgusting and no women (or man) should be through that. let him know you're not going to stand for what he is doing and show him he won't be able to take you granted.You deserve better than that and if you don't confront him then he WILL continue, and may get worse and think he can get away with it. For all you know he has been doing it for the full 4 years.Don't stand for it. Tell him exactly what you think.I really hopes this helps, best of luck and I hope all goes well. It may not be easy, but it has to be done.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 June 2015):
 HE is clearly not as much "in to you" as you are to him... AND, now you've found a "smoking gun" which allows you to conclude that..... and YOU are asking how to soft-pedal this (information) to him... that you now KNOW that he's a cad????
You ask: "What shall I do? Is there any hope, or has he got a weird addiction? If it wasn't for this he would be perfect."
1. I suggest you do NOTHING... including not having any further contact with him....
2. NO, there's no hope....
3. YES, this is a sort-of addiction... but - more importantly - it is a significant aspect of "who he is".... and that means "not much of a loyal boyfriend."... and,
4. If it weren't for his crushing and swallowing people, a boa constrictor would be a "perfect" housepet....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2015):
 I agree with SVC
This is NOT a compulsion. Seriously. As someone who DOES suffer from OCD, I can tell you.. JOINING a dating site is NOT something he can't help himself doing. It's a CHOICE.
So he is FAR from perfect, he is cheating on you, looking for greener grass.
I get that you wish it was as simple as an "obsession" but it's not. He might feel like what he is doing is "innocent" because he actually doesn't sleep with any of the women, but he is STILL using them for ENTERTAINMENT and you as well.
Sorry, it's a total COP OUT to call it an obsession or addiction.
He will continue to do this, but he will get better and better at hiding it.
There is no pill or magic wand that can fix his behavior. HE CHOOSES to do this because HE wants to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): He is cheating on you.
He is cheating on you. With lots of women. He has a phone specifically for this.
Why on earth are you so casual about this.
How can you ever trust him? Your relationship isn't perfect. You're just in denial.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 June 2015):
 Wow... Huge red flags here...
* He is on dating sites
* He has another mobile phone
* He is sending and receiving sexual pictures
What should you do?
Dump his ass as fast as you can. This man will bring you nothing but pain. If you have been sexually intimate with him I suggest you go and get yourself tested for STI's. Regardless of what he says, you need to be tested, even if he says he never had physical contact with anyone... get tested! This man is a liar and a cheat.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2015):
 Do not discount his bad behavior by calling it an addiction.
The guy is a cheater and a liar.
He is not to be trusted.
What shall I do you ask.... Is there hope you ask..
well we can't tell you what to do but we can suggest that you consider that he's not trustworthy and you will always be wondering if he's cheating on you...
you seem willing to accept this behavior...why is that?
are you not worth better treatment?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): You do not have to prove anything. You know what you saw.
He is nothing like perfect, he cheats and abuses you.
If you choose to put up with more of his shit, like I think you probably will do, you could perhaps play the same game. He will not like it, he will probably lie and tell you he wont be doing it again, but you know he will. Beside that, all there is is to accept him as he is. Oh, you could always dump him, but I think you would have done that a long time ago.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (22 June 2015):
Perfection...Vs...right and wrong. You know what he is doing is wrong, even if you don't want to accept it. Sorry to say...but he has not been your boyfriend for 4 years. Because once he starts sending sexual picture of himself to someone else, then he is no longer all yours. He also puts as much effort into these other women besides you.
So...not exactly on the road to perfection is it??
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