A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started a new job in a new city. There’s this guy at work who’s behaviour I can’t seem to work out. I heard through ‘water cooler’ gossip that he recently got out of a long term relationship. I understand that he’s adjusting to being single again. What I don’t understand is his behaviour towards me.He is unpredictable. We stare at each other frequently. I cannot read his expressions. I always let him speak first, as I never know what he will say. One day he will maintain the silence – just stare, next he will say something annoying – playful but mean. Then the next day he will be sweet – even show traits of being a gentleman. When I asked him why he’s mean to me, his response was that he cannot be nice to me all time. Apparently, I would be “begging” him to be mean to me. So one day he will be nice to be and the next day mean. What is wrong with him?One day I asked him if it was a good morning, and his response was, “when you smile like that it is.” My reaction to compliments from him is silence. I just stare at him in disbelief. I don’t know what to make of it. Is it normal for someone to be all over the page? I am under the impression it’s in his nature to be mildly painful yet playful. But his flintiness towards me makes me wonder what is going on. He certainly keeps me on my toes. What is going on here? Is this a game to him?I just want a fun, flirty fling. Any advice?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Jeeez girl...
DON'T be THAT girl. YOU JUST started this job and you are already on the hunt on a guy who is (whether he admits or not) a little vulnerable and on the rebound and YOU "just" want a little fling?
You keep up that attitude and you will have a shoddy reputation at work.
I agree with Ciar - Don't crap where you eat and don't mix work and "flings". It's UNPROFESSIONAL and unwise.
The guy is READJUSTING to being single, you are a "practice dummy" for learning how to flirt with females again. (not calling you a dumb person but you get the picture)
If you want a fling then find a man that is available (this guy isn't, yet) and find one OUTSIDE of work.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 You've just started a new job in a new city and you want to jeopardize that with an office fling? And with a man you know is still adjusting to being single again?
To what end? Are you hoping it will lead to something physical or do you just want to play games and leave him wondering?
You don't know the man well enough to even know what he's up to at this point. What if he misunderstands your intentions and doesn't appreciate being humiliated? How do you know he can be trusted to be honourable or even discreet? What if things turn sour and weeks or months later another man catches your eye? You don't think THAT would be talked about at the water cooler?
Too many what-ifs here. Too many risks for so small and fleeting a reward. Frankly, you're a little old to be playing these kinds of games with people.
Pardon my bluntness, but my advice is don't shit where you eat. Surely there are enough attractive and eligible men in your city that you don't to stir up trouble at work.
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A
female
reader, Mame06 +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Sounds like this guy likes you but isn't quite sure whether to ask you out. Flirt back! Touch his arm, or smile at him. Let him catch you looking at him.
He might not be ready to ask you out because of his situation, but if he knows you like him, that opens the door. Let him make the move. If he doesn't, he's just not that into you, and he's only flirting with you for "target practice."
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