A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So after the breakup of my marriage I didn’t want anything serious from anyone but struck up a FWB deal with an old school friend (we are now in our forties) we saw each other maybe 3 times a year (we live hundreds of miles apart) for a few days and there’s always been amazing chemistry, this has been for 3 years now. I’ve recently met someone who I actually quite like and it’s really early days but he’s someone I could see myself falling for but me and my FWB had already booked to see each other and I told him this would probably be the last time I see him, As I’m hoping this new friendship might develop into more… my FWB said he feels funny about the fact I like this guy and he doesn’t know how to get over the fact I’ve said I could see myself falling in love so he doesn’t want to meet…. I’ve tried to get him to open up but he just reads the texts and doesn’t reply, up until this point there’s been no signs of emotion from my FWB, because we’ve known each other since we were 12 he’s someone who’s been in my life a long time, he’s living with his ex wife and their child so there’s not been any chance of a relationship with us although he sometimes has said oh if we where together it would be like this or that but I’ve never taken much notice. So I’m now thinking there was maybe more emotion than I thought and he’s been hiding it. I’m so confused, I’d appreciate anyone’s take on this, I have to be honest and say at times I found the coldness of him afterwards hard to cope with (he wouldn’t text me for a few days after we’d spent a few days together ) and I never understood why he was like that but now I’m wondering if he had to keep his emotions in check., he once confessed that his job as a police officer means he can hide his emotions very well and now I’mSuddenly thinking that what it is but without him speaking to me I can’t even begin to fathom out what’s going on or is it more likely make pride is hurt ? That said I’ve met other guys and told him and he’s never bothered., there’s something about the admission that I could see my self really falling for my new friend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2021): Of course your FWB is upset.He might be losing his steady,convenient,no strings supply of sex-on-demand.This is annoying for him;who would not be upset in his shoes.It does not mean though that love feelings are involved, and it's only partially,perhaps,about hurt pride. Quite simply, he is being inconvenienced by any changes you are making to your current set-up.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (13 September 2021):
 Two questions I have for YOU:
- Why would you contemplate having one last "session" with your FWB when someone has come into your life who could be a significant part of your future?
- Most importantly, why do you care what your FWB thinks/feels? HE is not your future and was never meant to be permanent. Unless, of course, YOU have feelings for him which you haven't expressed?
Of course your FWB is upset. He is loosing his f*ck buddy. Who WOULDN'T be upset? If he really had feelings for you, he would have been bothered by ANY of the men you were dating. He wasn't bothered by you seeing other men as long as it didn't affect his sex sessions with you. You probably also dropped hints that they were just casual dates to keep him happy. At the very least, you made this obvious by carrying on seeing him for sex. When you announce you will no longer be seeing him because you have met someone with whom you can see yourself having a serious relationship, he's understandably upset because he no longer gets his sex fix with you and stands to lose what has worked well for him for 3 years - a regular sex fix with zero obligations and zero responsibilities. What's not to enjoy?
He had 3 years to tell you IF he had feelings for you. Don't make nonsensical excuses for him, like being a police officer. He MIGHT (BIG MIGHT) want you now but it's only because he suddenly realizes he can't have you. That doesn't mean he would want you if he COULD have you. (Been at the receiving end of that one. Don't fall for it.)
When you feel yourself weakening, remind yourself how he made you feel when he would ghost you after you had been together. Stop contacting him. You are taking emotional energy away from your current relationship. Let him go and concentrate on your new relationship. I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 September 2021):
 My question to you is this, DOES it matter?
Let's say he developed feelings, then what? He is in no REAL position to actually date you. I'm guessing he is cohabitating with his ex and kids out of financial need? Because he can't afford to live on his own and take care of his kids too? Plus he might WANT to be a bigger part of his kid's lives. Which means... That he is where HE wants to be. You can't fit into that household. He can't come live with you either because then he won't see his kids that much and he would be a financial burden on YOU.
I think your best bet is to wish him well and cut him off. HE is not your friend. He is a friend that turned into a semi-casual intimate partner - but you never saw him as much else. Someone to talk to and occasionally bang.
You USED him as a friend. Talked about men you went on dates with. You say he used to be OK with that, but not with this new guy. Probably because he knows you will HAVE to let him go. You will move on and he is stuck living with his ex.
A police officer or not. If he had wanted more he would have TALKED to you. He knew it couldn't be more than an FWB. He is letting YOU go so YOU can have a future.
An FWB is something that is SUPPOSED to be temporary. It's not something that should go on for years.
It's time to let it go and move forward with your life. And let HIM move on with his.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2021): He confessed his job as a policeman hides his feelings well? Oh dear, how ridiculous. There are loads of police who do not and cannot hide their feelings and he has no need to hide them at all. What he really means is he likes things as they are, casual sex when it suits, nothing more. He has no feelings for you. That is why he does not care when you mention another guy. The only thing he would be bothered about is if his free sex dries up.
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