A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 17 years and with my husband for 20, I have to say my life with him has been wonderful we have a beautiful family and a wonderful life. Recently though I have found out that for the past 14 years my husband has been unfaithful emotionally with several different woman, the pattern is he gets to know someone, love bombs then for say 6 months and then when the attention dies down he ghosts them and moves on, I found this info out from his best friends wife who thought I should know, as you can imagine I’m totally and utterly devastated, I asked him to go to counselling and he’s thinking about it, I decided I would try to move on , but I feel like my life’s been a total lie. following on from this I confined in someone I work with who had noticed on several occasions I was upset and after 5 months we’ve confessed we have fallen in love, we have never had sex but I can see it happening soon, we both agreed that my marriage had to be over before that could happen. I decided to confess this to my husband as I felt so confused and my Husband threw me out of the house and told our adult kids I’d had an affair, now my children despise me and now it’s all about him being the victim and everyone is supporting him and apparently this is different from what he’s done cause I’ve fallen in love. So I’m confused!! do I try to make a go of things with my husband knowing my life and all I thought about it is BS or do I try with my friend knowing there could be something amazing but I’d lose everything (my family my home my friends) I really like this new person and he genuinely cares for me on a level I feel my husband never has., atm I’m taking a break from both of them and living alone. I’ve got so so much to lose in both situations, part of me what’s the security of my marriage back but I’llAlways know it was a lie now. Advice please I’m so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2021): Your husband kicked you out of your own house, and has turned your kids against you? Wow! Odd for such a "beautiful family" and wonderful marriage. You don't even get the benefit of the doubt? You didn't even present the evidence he cheated too? Maybe that could have been used in your own defense. Everyone turned-on you awfully easily. Where was that so-called friend when you needed her, when you got kicked out of your house?
You're still married, so how is the co-worker even an option at this point? You decided to be vengeful and go tit-for-tat; rather than seriously confronting your husband about what he did, and insisting on counseling to save your marriage. It would almost seem as though you were just looking for an excuse to cheat yourself. In the history of the world, two wrongs have never made a right!
Well, only you and your husband know whether your marriage is salvageable. Going for the friend at work is not a sure thing; it's basically a fling to get-back at your husband. You can claim you're in-love; but in my opinion, comparing a 17-year marriage to a five-month fling with a co-worker doesn't seem to make very much of a comparison.
Well, you had better hire a divorce attorney at this point. If he gets a head-start legally, you'll be weaseled-out of your proper share of the assets. Get your legal ducks in a row; no matter what it appears he's doing on the surface. He will likely do it all behind your back. That's a good strategy; if you're a heartless, cheating, no-count philanderer. Don't let your guard down!
If he agrees to marriage-counseling, I recommend that you go! Regardless of whether it will save your marriage, or not. It will open a channel of communication between you, it will give you both a chance to express your innermost-feelings; and it will give you closure, whatever the outcome of your marriage. At best, it might lead to a amicable divorce. If he already has a lawyer, it's to keep as much of his assets as possible. Turning children and everyone else against you, pretty much tells you he's not playing-around. He's burying his deeds, to expose yours! Don't you worry, he'll reap what he sows! You can't hide evil, it will out itself. Wicked-deeds always comeback to bite us in the bum! The longer you getaway with treachery, the worse it is when your deserved retribution finally catches-up with you. It burns like a blow-torch! Just when you thought you slithered-away scot-free!
As for the office fling? Dump it! It was purely on the rebound, and an act of vengeance. It amounts to nothing short of a home-made soap opera drama. Keep your personal-life and your professional-life separate. You've got enough to deal with, without opening yet another nasty can of worms.
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