A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone here cut ties with their own parent? This is going to come off terribly rude but I don't know how else to put it. My mother is a drug addict who also has mental issues, and treats me bad. After having a big argument last night over her stealing money from me, I have realized I need to just cut ties with her as it would be best for us both. My mothers issues has been going on for almost 10 years now. She has treated me badly through out all of this. I would even go as far as to say she's mentally and verbally abusive. She gets angry very easily and says crazy hurtful things to me. I've also noticed she manipulates me. Her and I are completely different people. Complete opposites. We can't relate to each other at all. She starts arguments with me all the time about stuff that's not even important.When I try to talk with her about anything she always gets mad and says I'm a bad daughter who hates her. I can never talk to her about anything. And then she tells me I never open up to her and that I'm secretive and then she accuses me of crazy things that aren't even true. I honestly don't trust her which is really disappointing to say. This morning I left her a voicemail explaining how I feel and that I would like it if we stopped communication for a while and she freaked out asking me what the F is wrong with me and why am I always so weird and emotional and that I needed to cut it out. She never understands where I'm coming from. I just don't know what to do anymore. I honestly don't want her in my life at this point. Ive been told by friends I need to cut ties for my own sanity because it will never change. I've been told I just have to accept I will never have a normal or healthy relationship with her and i am slowly accepting it. Do I cut ties?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 May 2016):
 I think you need to cut her out, I can understand why it will be a difficult thing to do, she is your mother and you want her to be a good one. But the sad truth is she is not, she is toxic and she only brings you down. Can you actually name one thing that she does that makes you feel good or happy? If not then she is not needed in your life. Will it be tough? Off course it will you will pine for the mother that you never had. But you will be in a better place mentally and you can get on with your life. I do suggest going to see a therapist who can help you through this.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 May 2016):
 I think you need to do what you think will work for you. Let's say for a minute that the person in question is not your mom. She is a toxic person in your life who brings NOTHING positive to your life, who steals money from you, who CHOOSES to verbally abuse you when you speak up.... What would you do then?
CUT that toxic person out, right?
Just because she happens to be your mother, the woman who carried you and birthed you doesn't mean you HAVE to take the abuse, the stealing the drama and toxicity.
You don't need OUR or HER permission to cut her off.
You BLOCK her number (or even better, get yourself another number) block her on social media and readjust your privacy settings.
You mom isn't looking out for what's best for you, but what is "best" for her.
Which means... YOU need to look out for yourself.
I would also consider changing the locks.
I'm sorry, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to have to do. But I think you HAVE to do it, for YOU and YOUR future.
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A
female
reader, Irish49  +, writes (22 May 2016):
 Yes for your own emotional health and well-being, I do think you have to cut ties. Your mother has serious issues and is toxic. She needs some counselling and help for her issues. There are amazing people, out there with whom you can experience a healthy sense of respect and love. Seek them out if you haven't already and then you will know what wonderful healthy relationships look and feel like. As hard as it will be, you are not recieving respect and love from your Mother. It seems to be impacting your life in a very negative way. It won't be easy because once you break the ties.. you may mourn the loss, but I guarantee, your quality of life will improve when the stress and anxieties go. Take the time to be kind to yourself and heal. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (22 May 2016):
 Yes you can, but I would recommend trying something else.
Firstly don't giver her money. Its her job to give you money, not the other way around. Tell her that.
As for cutting her off. Try spending less time with her. Say if you see her once a week, try once a month and so forth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2016): Yes you can. Though I felt so bad about doing so that I sought and received counselling for a year. The therapist assured me that it is more common than you would imagine.
I had similar issues to those you described and I was constantly pressured to lend money, though it was never being lent. It always became a permanent loan, never repaid. I also suffered embarrassment at work when the more demanding parent would turn up at work asking for money on what they knew was my pay day and make a scene.
I went to court, represented myself and stayed clear and unemotional throughout the process. Between the first hearing and the final hearing the more demanding parent attacked me physically outside the court. Not smart. Court officials rushed to help me. They reported the attack. So actually it made it even easier for me to get the Court Order banning them from approaching me at home, at work or anywhere.
I felt a sense of relief after I made the break.
I got on with my life. No longer have to deal with a drunk screaming parent banging on my door at 5am or 11pm asking for money.
It has been resolved and I have never regretted doing it.I only wish I had done it sooner.
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