A
female
age
51-59,
*fly36
writes:Has anyone gotten divorced due to fighting, arguing, or losing love for the person? I am divorcing due to that, no infidelity, no spousal abuse and i'm dealing with guilt cause i dont feel its justifiable. We lived as room-mates at the end and i could not live like that anymore.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 Thanks LonelyTwo for your compliments.
Most breakups are due to unrealistic expectations and idealism.
We should love without expecting anything in returns.
It is when our expectations are too high that we get disappointed.
A man who honours his wife will protect, respect , help and stay with her.
He will not expect her to work full time outside and full time at home.
He will lighten her load whenever possible, be sensitive to her needs, be courteous, considerate , insightful and tact..
This is what most woman want from a man but sadly many men
only know how to take or treat their spouse as an extension of their mother.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Wow Laura1318, I am impressed with your post. As a man, I feel like the one you described.
bfly36, you stated "fighting, arguing, or losing love" for being a reason to divorce. Yes, I would agree that if it is non-stop, then at least a seperation until you can both figure out what is going on between you two. No doubt there is a disconnect. I have noticed in my own situation that she feels; sees her own. Likewise, I feel; see my own needs, but together, were not connecting in providing for the others. We are hurt, and we like a broken record, continue to express our hurt over and over, not recognizing the others hurt, but hear it as an attack upon ourselves. When one is expressing their feelings, the other has to been in the moment, and must completely forget about themselves until the other is heard, and you totaly get it, where, the other sees you get it. After that, then you can work on the other. In the moment of bickering back and forth, it is like two people standing on opposite sides of a block wall, bouncing your own words off of it, and the other not hearing it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 May 2008):
“I felt guilty for feeling the way I did;
he wasn’t abusive, he didn’t run around with other women,
he didn’t drink or do drugs.
He came home every night and worked hard to support our family.
Despite this, the wall grew, built with bricks of buried
anger, unmet needs, silences, and cold shoulders.”
From
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2006/janfeb/14.46.html
What did the man do wrong?
He did what is expected of him but yet much is expected from him.
He did not satisfy his wife’s needs.
His wife had a high expectations from him.
Not only wanting him to bring back the bacon but also be her
prince charming under those changed circumstances.
She expects him to be a romantic gentleman when he has to
shoulder all those financial burdens of an enlarged family.
She places unnecessary burdens on him which no normal man is able to undertake.
She expects him to perform both roles satisfactory to her standards.
Be a breadwinner and a lover .
She is unrealistic and self centered .
It is no wonder that divorce are on the rise.
If she divorces and remarries, she will face the same
predicaments after the initial euphoria is over and may face
much more worse when she has her children and he , his children.
If you are unhappy , you try to change or compromise and if
you are still unhappy , then there is no alternative but to release each other .
Marriage is give some , take some.
No one is perfect and we all have faults.
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future;
it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn
From
http://www.favorite-famous-quotes.com/happiness-quotes.html
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