A
male
age
36-40,
*oveIs4everBlind
writes:My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a total of 3.5 years (not including about 1 month in total for breakups) and recently she broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I broke up with her last year, September 2010, and about 3 weeks later, I nearly forced the issue and we started dating since that day. However, I feel that it might have been too soon to reunite as I noticed, and in fact she said herself, that she doesn't love me the same way as before.I'm afraid that if I didn't get her back then, that I would have lost her forever so looking back on it now, it seemed like a lose//lose situation for me-- Lose her forever // have her not love me the same.Several months pass and it's now March 2011. She said she has thought about breaking it off for a long time and just 2 weeks ago, she followed through.Her reason: She only sees me as a friend and doesn't love me the same way. -------------------------------------------------I've consulted the NC rule and I've broken this rule several times (maybe 5 times in total) these past 2 weeks and just this midnight she actually decided to eat a meal with me. At the end of the night, I had a surge of emotions and asked her if there was ever a chance in the future of us dating again and she explicitly said NO. In fact she said, "Once you get over me or get a girlfriend or something then we can become friends." She also said, "I will never get back to the point where we once were." This takes me to where I am now.. In front of a keyboard, registering to DearCupid.org, and expressing my bleeding heart through words. -----------------------------------------------------[A] Before posting this I left a text message saying in a nutshell: I think the breakup is best for the both of us, I'm sorry for losing the romance in the relationship, I thought our time was cut short because I was trying to put the spark back, and I won't contact you ever again so we can live life apart. Am I doing the right thing? Was this message okay? I've disobeyed the NC rule several times, but I feel that if I have a chance of us getting back together, NOW is the time to truly never contact her. ---------------------------------------------------- [B] I know she honstly loved me, but hearing her say she doesn't love, miss, or think about me anymore is too painful. I feel she may be saying these things, but inside she might be confused and convincing herself that we will never work out, although I'm slowly accepting it may be true.Anybody ever felt like they loved someone and lost that love, but after given enough space, was able to regain the same love if not more?---------------------------------------------------[C] Lastly, she did say NO about getting back together, but she also said after several years we might have a chance to try again. What do you think is going on in her mind? Does it mean she still cares about me and just fabricated a large amount of time because she's going with her gut feeling?---------------------------------------------------I deeply respect and thank anyone who decided to respond or even take the time to read my story. Thank you once again.
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female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Sadly, I think what's happened is that you hurt her so much when you broke up with her, she couldn't feel the same way about you any more. Clearly she still loved you and gave it her best shot, but the damage was done. That doesn't make it any easier, but if it might explain why she says she doesn't miss you. She probably felt hurt, and the time you spent together afterwards might of sapped her confidence a bit, because no matter how hard you tried, you can't undo the past. I'd imagine that's why she needed to get away, and is pleased she did, for herself. That doesn't mean it was easy for her, or that she doesn't care for you deeply, it just means that for her, it was time to walk away. I know that's really painful, but it will get easier.
As for if those feelings will come back...the debate continues. Perhaps there is a chance that one day, you'll both have put all this pain behind you and can start fresh. But I wouldn't wait on it, because one: she's explicitly telling you not to two: how much time do you want to waste waiting on something that could well never happen? Unfortunately the best thing you can do is try and move on and trust that if you two are right for each other you will cross paths again and make a go of it. Moving on is the hardest thing to have to do, but if you can take something from all that's happened with your ex, then by the time your ready for a new relationship and thigns start looking up, you won't make the same mistake again. That's not much comfort now, but it will be.
Hope things look up soon.
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