A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have a question for anyone who has ever ended a marriage or serious relationship to solely be with the person of your affair instead of your spouse. I know statistics are really low in the favor of it actually working out and I always hear a lot of negative remarks. So is there anyone who has actually done this? Did it work out? If not, why? Are you still happy and together? Or do you regret it?All responses are welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Thanks for the repsonses. To AngelDlite, you raised a lot of interesting questions. And I realize that most of these situations do not work out, but there also have to be the few that do. I don't mean affairs that are just sexually based, as what is seems with the comment about the co-worker, because these most likely will not work. But for the emotional affairs, I beleive they do stand a chance. If one can step back, close their heart for a moment, and think logically about the affair then they will know. However, it is very hard to do this because people tend to see only what they want to. Good luck to you ironman777.
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (29 March 2011):
Hi - I'm going to say that if the two people leave their partners for each other, then in the long run the trust issues are going to be huge because you will always wonder if they will remain faithful after that.
But - in some circumstances I can see it will work. By going through the process once already, the harm and general crap you go through whilst having an affair and then breaking up to leave gaurantees that people do it the right way the second time ie if they are not happy they break up first then find someone new.
The people who have been through it once are also very keen not to make the same mistake twice and for that reason alone would be committed to working at the new relationship to make it work. By communicating heaps and working through all the hassles that have occured both in the past and also coming up with merging families that sort of thing
At least I hope this is how it works - if it doesnt then I'll be back asking how you mend a broken heart
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Lots of people do it.
Almost all fail.
Many go back to their spouse if they can. Most of these end in divorces.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I'm watching a co-worker "enjoy" his first full year with his new bride (who also works in the same work group in our firm... weeee!). At 52, he's now being led around by his nose by a 28 year old, 6' tall size 2. She's not a happy person, (guess she figured out her career is effectively over in our firm). They lied to so may people, that it's burned every bridge. Will they be happy... it's unlikely the relationship will last 5 years. He'll be 57, she'll be 33. Can't wait to see it happen.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 hi
i would imagine that everyone's situation is different and yes, some affairs end up in happy marriages. it really depends on the personalities involved. for instance if i was the mistress of a married man - i would have these worries:
-i have seen the lies he is capable of
-he has left his wife for me and i feel like i am merely a stepping stone
-he has no qualms about being unfaithful
-what happens in the future if he finds life with me a bit stale?
-are his family / children ever going to accept me?
so that said, the next thing to consider is: how am i going to deal with these fears?? am i going to do my very best to work through them or am i gonna find this impossible and bail out so that my partner doesn't end up hurting me like he hurt his wife?
so as you can see; a relationship where i am the mistress whose lover leaves his wife for me - is never gonna work. that's my feeling on it. what you need to do now (if this question is about you) is communicate very clearly with your boyfriend about what his feelings are. you have a LOT of talking (truthfully) and a lot of thinking to do before you decide to leave your marriage for someone.
in life there is no guarantee with anything (except for death and taxes) all you can do is do your research and by that i mean ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND what he REALLY thinks your prognosis will be. statistics of strangers are not really relevant for your own situation i think
xx
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