A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband goes on some business trips during the year, but usually in the state we live in. Sometimes, I am able to go with him and he has been okay with that and he enjoys me going along.He will be going on a new business trip on the coast, to a new state, for the first time.I asked to go along on this new trip, if possible, because I like going to new places and I have always wanted to see this state. I can handle going it alone while he is working and make my own plans. I am a planner by nature.He totally stressed out on me and basically implied I would be an inconvenience. He didn't want to handle all my luggage and on an on with other excuses. I do pack light now, although I did not in the past. I have learned how to pack only a carry on for airplane flights, so I don't see what his issue is with that.My brother travels a lot for his job and my sister-in-law will travel with him. She manages just fine on her own. My brother likes to have his wife with him. I found out another wife is going on this business trip of my husband's. Maybe more wives will do the same. I don't know.I feel like a burden and inconvenience. This isn't the first time that has been implied. He complains I have too much stuff in the house after I spent a lot of time sorting and donating to charity and pared it all down and worked my butt off to do so after he told me that. He still complained and nagged after I did all that. I am not a hoarder by any means.We remodeled the home office and each have our own desks. He said I have more space than him. I measured and it was only by 3 inches. He tried to get me to move my file cabinets out to the breezeway. I have 4 file cabinets. He has 3 file cabinets, but I measured them and they are the same amount of space. It's nit picking stuff like that.I can never seem to satisfy or get it right for him.He will always find something about me to complain about.Then he realizes what he has said and will tell me I am the love of his life and best friend, blah, blah, blah.It's like a double whammy. Be critical and then lovey dovey to make up for it.Maybe it's best I stay home from this business trip and enjoy my alone time.The possibility is, I may start enjoying my alone time too much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2016): Maybe he is stressed about this business trip and doesn't want the added worry of having you along.Some business trips require long, long hours. This is his first trip out of state with this group.Factor all of that in.But, you did say another spouse was going on this business trip.Granted, on a business trip, you do have the luxury of having a hotel room paid for not just one, but two people. That is saving money. But, I won't charge meals to the hotel room since the company won't cover that anyway for a spouse.There are always two sides to a story. Some husbands really want their wives to come on all business trips. Others, do not because of the pressure of the job. Not, that they are cheating, although we all know that happens.There are plenty of forums on the internet where wives are upset over their husbands business travels while they are stuck at home and having to handle the kids, while the husbands get to stay in a luxury hotel and get all their fancy meals and get to go out with their co-workers. Not that it is always a fun trip for the husband. That is way it is called a "business" trip.How about scheduling a trip, solo, for yourself to this destination. Are there relatives you can visit or stay with. I would find that more relaxing sans your husband.Have you considered joining a woman's travel group? That is something I am considering doing. In reality, my husband is no fun on regular vacations. I'd rather travel alone or with a travel group of women or my girlfriends. I find I enjoy myself more and I am more relaxed.As far as your husband's nitpicking. That has to stop. That will cause a lot of damage in a marriage. It sounds like you have tried to get the stuff in your house down to a manageable level. I don't think he is appreciating your effort. To complain to you, after you put all the effort into it, is not a good thing.As for your home office space, and him saying you have more space, wow, he is the one that seems to resent you being in there with him. That is selfish of him. It sounds like he wants the whole room to himself.Moving "your" file cabinets to the breezeway? Another wow. How about him moving his file cabinets to the breezeway too. Tit for tat.Maybe you should move your computer, file cabinets to another room all together. I wouldn't appreciate dagger eyes at me as I work on my computer and him resenting you being in that office space. Get your own space and let him be free to roam in that office room.He sounds controlling to me. He appears to be the one with the issues here. You sound like you are trying to be accommodating to his desires.But, one can only be pushed so far.I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 March 2016):
 Mine wont go *unless* I go with him! When he cancelled two conferences and pouted like a child when I told him that I didn't want to go for the third one either, I gave in and now I'll be joining him on a 3-day business trip.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2016):
 Mine has told me outright that it would be a major inconvenience to have me on certain trips. I’m okay with that because he needs to focus on work, and not on worrying about me. And yes, you might be the most independent woman in the entire world but it’s still his job to worry about you and your safety and comfort.
Your post is filled with a lot of resentment, on both sides.
Perhaps you two haven’t found the best way to discuss your differing opinions?
Maybe he just needs some time away without having to worry about you?
Are you both working from the same home office all the time? O_o
If the home office is such a bone of contention, then hire one of those companies who specialize in maximizing office space and efficiency.
He may just need a break. As it sounds you do as well. :/
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 My guess would be that he wants some time out, to do his work then relax on his own in his spare time. It is okay for married couples to be apart as well. Maybe you can compromise and ask him to take you there for a trip away on another date, and while he is away organize something fun for you to do.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (9 March 2016):
Hmm. Personally I'd be a little suspicious as to why he is so adamant about it.
Not to cause you any worry, but have you ever suspected him of cheating? His behavior would raise red flags for me.
It is also entirely possible he just needs a bit of time to himself. Still, I'd ask a few more questions if I were you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 March 2016):
 Maybe not go with him and take a week-end trip to visit a friend/family-member of yours out of state instead? And I would take that trip while he is NOT on a business trip.
O can't tell you if it is a hassle for him to bring you along or not, obviously he feels that way. And OBVIOUSLY he is very used to you catering to his whims.
I have a LONG list of things that annoys me about my husband, but I know that THAT is who he is. I adapt. And I'm sure there are plenty of things that annoy my husband about me. Yet, he too has adapted.
Is your husband a bit OCD by chance? Or maybe, an only child?
Your arguments that you brought up seem (pardon) so childish. You having 4 filing cabinets and he only has 3!! Seriously? And then you have to measure to make sure he isn't right? Come on.
And then the passive aggressive statement:
"The possibility is, I may start enjoying my alone time too much."
You two fight like a couple of 5 year old kids.
I'd sit him down and talk to him what the REAL reason is he doesn't want you along. MAYBE what he needs is a little break from the daily routines (you included). MAYBE he feels he has to entertain you when he might like to go out to dinner alone or with contacts. Maybe find a COMPROMISE that you go on some of his trips and you don't go on others. HIS business trips are not really about YOU or entertaining YOU.
Personally, I enjoyed when my husband went to various training exercises and schools (not so much when he deployed) but it was nice to occasionally have a break in the monotony.
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