A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:It just doesn't make any sense to me because one week she's all affectionate and the following week she's missing in action. It seems as if this behavior pattern has actually gotten worse now that she is officially separated and ironing out the details of a divorce.One the one hand she seems liberated and happy, optimistic about the future, but on the other hand it is quite obvious that guilt and feelings of uncertainty are eating her alive. Her new normal is reverting right back to the old unhappy person she was trying to reinvent so to speak. But why not reach out to me for support or a casual talk? Instead, she treats me like part of the problem all of a sudden. I've been the laid back one and have always given her ample space; I've never made demands or burdened her with expectations.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Delphi  +, writes (7 December 2014):
There is a reason why all of us whether men or women should take a healthy break after a relationship ends.All of us are human.We need time to heal. She is probably feeling a lot guilty because she had the affair when she was married.If she has a teeny tiny bit of intelligence,she would have thought rationally,"If he thinks I could cheat with him,he is also going to think that I am going to cheat on him.He would never be able to trust me" A divorce or a separation or a breakup is very emotional for most of us women.Most of the time we know that it ended or it didn't work out for a reason but a part of us also remembers the good and lovely times.As I said earlier,its a part of being human.We are all flawed.It was a relationship with sex,love and maybe involves children.Its not like cutting a bit of thread with scissors. Some women take years to be able to trust someone with their heart again.I have seen women who are in their 50s and have never dated or entered into a serious relationship with someone again.It depends on the person. Now if you love her and are willing to wait for her,you need to give her the time and space to heal herself.You need to assure her that you trust her. A divorce is not easy.She needs to get all her ducks in a row so as to speak.The legalities can make one feel dizzy.If the other person is not willing to let go,it gets even more complicated.She needs to look out for her children.She needs to look out for herself. I don't think you are making demands of her but give her some time to heal then try to win her over.Not all of us are high maintenance.We can be won over with the smallest acts of kindness,love and loyalty. I wish you the very best.
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