A
male
age
36-40,
*uiksilver_ac
writes:I've been dating my partner for almost a year now, and after receiving an sms that I knew wasn't meant for me, I did something that I shouldn't have. I went through her phone. Unfortunately I found a large amount of sexual text msgs and 'I love you too' from a different guy, who I have no idea who he is. I confronted her about this, and her reply was that they 'were just friends, and msg'd each other in a way that she knew she shouldn't'. I'm struggling to understand how she see's this as a reason for them being there, and whether or not they are 'just friends'. I know I shouldn't have gone through her phone, and I'm now regretting it, but I also no longer have any idea where this relationship stands. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
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male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (31 October 2008):
 I've been in your girlfriends shoes before, never yours. Cheating on a girlfriend, sending flirty messages back and forth. And of course when my girlfriend found out I told her she was reading too much into it, I was just having a laugh with a friend, and she had nothing to worry about. It was a lie. It usually is. I can't speak for your girlfriend as I don't know her, maybe shes just naive enough to assume that the man on the other end of her text messages wants to be "just friends" with her. I can guarantee you that even if it is innocent from her end (which I doubt), it's not innocent from his end. Not to mention, apparently this is more than just sex, they are texting "love yous". That's an emotional as well as a sexual connection. They might not have actually had sex (yet) but there is definitely something inappropriate going on, it's probably only a matter of time before the sexual tension boils over.
As for where your relationship stands- if she's anything like I used to be, she's not really thinking about that at all. Shes just having fun and getting kicks where she can. Only selfish people cheat, lie, deceive their partners. She's not thinking how it affects you, she's just thinking about what lies she can tell you to get out of trouble.
You need to assess the relationship, see if she really is going to make you happy in the long haul. Be honest with yourself.
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