A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My relationship is on the rocks right now. :( I'm in a struggle where I sometimes wonder if I want to spend the rest of my life with my bf.I don't know if we can last together, and I don't know if I even truly love him. I feel like I'm starting to hold resentment for all the problems we have and never really solve.I guess we just sweep it under the rug. We still hug and kiss but I just don't feel the intimacy or love in it anymore. Inwardly I KNOW I love him, its just these thoughts and feelings which keep reappearing every so often. I would consider therapy, but I feel we should be able to resolve our own issues without needing a 3rd party, especially after only 3 years together. Has anyone else been through this, how do we overcome it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2012):
 what sorts of problems are you having issues with...
are they "deal breaker" level issues (flirting, cheating, lying, abusing)
or are they quirky things you just don't fee like dealing with (sloppy vs neat, healthy vs bad habits, musical tastes, going out vs staying in)
If you are 23 and have been with him since you are 20 I can tell you this:
I married my first husband at 21.... we separated and subsequently divorced when I was 29... because what you want at 21 is NOT what you want at 30.... and then what you want at 30 changes by the time you get to 45... life is like that.
3 years together at your age is a long time... and DATING is about finding a soul mate... someone you don't question being with...
someone you don't have a laundry list of things that are wrong...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): I've recently come out of a VERY similar relationship, obviously it didn't work out for me.
Although, we exhausted most methods of resolving the issues but to no avail, and it was just time to admit the relationship had ran it course. Love got replaced with hate, romance got replaced with resentment, intimacy was nonexistent, and overall, it was the polar opposite to everything a relationship should be. When it gets to that point, you KNOW its the end.
You on the other hand said you both tend to brush the issues under the carpet rather than talk about them, and just hope they'll go away by themselves, but a vital ingredient in a relationship is communication. You both need to sit down and lay your cards on the table, tell each other what is bothering you and what changes could be made to improve things. Maybe even talk about the issues in a different setting and environment such as a restaurant over a meal, somewhere away from the usual home setting.
If love still exists, there's always a hope of things getting back on track, but you need to be determined and put the effort in, and WANT to make it work.
Keep us updated...
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