A
female
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anonymous
writes:when i was young (5, im now nearly 15) my dad died, and i cant say ive had an easy life since. But sometimes i resent my Mum and even hate her, because she was left behind and not him. I know thats a horrible thing but im so mad i never knew him and i dont really like my mum that much. I cant help it. But when i finish school in 2 years she wants me and her to move away to live with her fiance. But i dont want to leave my dads grave or all my friends let alone live with two people i dont get on with. Ive tried telling her i dont want to go but she wont listen to me. I will be 16 and would rather live in sheltered accomodation than with her. Im such a horrible person but what can i do about mum making me move?
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female
reader, Juliette +, writes (23 August 2006):
 You are obviously aware that your feelings toward your mum is not rational, yet to are compelled to hate her for your dad leaving. You may remember him from the tender age of 5, but you cannot have known him well. You wanted him so much you have put your ideal of him on a pedestal, that is looking up to someone who may not have existed as perfect as you have come to believe he was. Although I agree you need help in repairing your relationship with your mother (as she must be in pain at the way you have dealt the with the loss of your father), she is probably past despair and trying to live her life. I think the real issue is you learning to let go of the image you have constructed of your father and acknowledge that his going was out of your mother's control. You will need you mum the rest of your life, and once you realise the friend and support she can be to you, you can support each other instead of blaming her for something she needed help with herself. Now is the time to try to change things around and picture your future and how lonely it may be if you continue to alienate you mother.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): What you are feeling is valid and experienced by many so you are not alone.
I think that you hurt and anger over you Dad leaving has been the cause of the breakdown of the relationship with your Mother.
Has she said bad things about him? Has she just acted like he never exsisted?
Have you thought to go to a counselor for yourself and to work on the relationship with your Mom? You both need to heal from this.
Death natural and part of this mortal life.
I am sure if your mother of father could have had the power to stop his death, it would have been so but ...this line of thought is dangerous. It is the what ifs that get so many people caught up in some allusory world which robs us of the here and now.
Your pain has blinded you to so many joys and will continue to do so.
You wanting to live away from your mother will only further punish yourself and make yourself hurt more.
Honey you have run for so long and you will tire of this. Then what will you do? Who will you have?
Stop this desire to make yourself feel even more abandoned and unloved. You will see you father again, just not in mortal eyes. He love you and is a part of you for all time regardless of what you think and feel; he wants you to be happy.
Your Mother loved and will always hold a place in her heart for you Father. You are the great gift of their union. She must ache too. She must feel the same feelings of abandonment but being she is mom she will hold this from you so she can stay strong for you. NO child needs to see their parent cry...it is very emotoinally upsetting and damaging.
I say get some individual counseling to talk this out so you can heal.
Work on forgiving yourself, your Mother and Father.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, lucyloo135 +, writes (23 August 2006):
 hi huni a lot of teenagers go through the same stage of resentment for their parents or guardians. first of all do you have any family you can speak to ? or maybe even close friends they may be able to speak to your mum or may be even take you in for a while when your mum does finally move. it is wrong that she is asking you to leave your friends and move away from were your dad is buried i think you should confront her upon this. good look an i wish you all he best in the future xxx
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