A
female
age
41-50,
*my B.
writes:i just found out after 11 years, that the stripper cut my soon to be husbands clothes off of him while three of his "friends" (one was his brother and "best man") held him down!! then she had them lay him on the floor while she "danced" over the top of him??? (it was a private party, his brother hired her and she spent two nights and slept with him the next night!!!) how am i supposed to believe that she didn't sleep with him in front of the 40+ men that were there!! she also stripped down two other men (that i know of) and put their "member" in a hot dog bun and put mustard on it?? i also can't find one person that will tell me the complete truth!!!! i have caught everyone that i have asked in at least one lie!! then to top it all of he went to a strip club and got a lap dance while i was pregnant with our daughter, after i asked him not to go to the strip club!!! he only told me the truth about both nights after it told him to tell me the truth or he can get out. I can't get the images out of my head, i am going crazy!! I know it was 11 years ago, but i just found out 5 months ago. Am i wrong for being angry and hurt?
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female
reader, Amy B. +, writes (27 July 2011):
Amy B. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst my husband absolutely denies that he slept with the whore that his brother hired. It was his brother that slept with her the next night. But her friend also had sex with one of the "friends". There was so much crazyness going on that i find it hard to believe that they didn't put on their own "live porn show". I can't even find out if she had on a g-string or not (not that it really matters, what is a g-string to have sex around) but my hubby says no, but everyone else says yes??? I just want the truth!!! Remember that he was laying on the ground and she was standing over the top of him, and they were both naked!!!! His answer for everything is that he doesn't remember. But he can remember everything before and after??
As far as the lapdance i agree with person12345, a lap dance is cheating. he got rubbed on by someone other than his wife!!!! And he cheated while i was pregnant what could be worse???
I don't want my marriage to end, we have been married 11 years and have two beautiful kids!! I can also say that if i would have know about this before the wedding, there would not have been a wedding. There almost wasn't anyway and i didn't know anything close to the truth. But I was a fool with two of the three "friends" standing up for us!!! i can't get the images of him with these naked women out of my head, and all the lies are killing me. I feel like i have lost myself, and don't know how i will ever come back???
We have fought about this over and over, but i am still hurting. Do i tell him about my hurt, or just deal with it in silence?
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 Lets address this issue in two parts.
The Stripper issue: Difficult as it is, let it go, for your own sake. Why do you want to go through hell thinking about what happened so long ago? It was a wild night, more "wild" than what is generally acceptable, but still...
The Strip Club issue: Not really acceptable. For a married man to visit a strip club and get a lap dance when the wife is pregnant at home...that is a lot to take.
However, I wouldnt go as far to tell you to rethink the marriage, because that is really the last resort. Talk to your husband first and ask him to tell you the truth, because you need to know what happened to be able to deal with it in the right way. Half-truths from people who couldnt care less now, will only complicate the situation for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): Ask him how he would like it...if you were to strip for another man and spend two nights with him etc and actually consider doing it really, but tell him. Not good starting married life out with lies, the truth always comes in the end.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Take it only to your husband. No one else owes you the truth.
If the questions in your mind are intefering with your marriage NOW, then yes...talk to him about how *IF* he was unfaithful to you prior to marriage it's messing with your head.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 You are feeling angry and hurt mainly because of the lie. I bet if you had known about it at the time you wouldn't be quite so bothered. What you need to keep in mind to get this in perspective is yes he did these things but
a.) The initial experience was not his idea and he was actually held down for the encounter.
b.) He is still with you and I assume a helpful, faithful loving husband despite this experience.
If I were you I would only talk to your husband about this from now on and stop asking anyone else what happened. Chances are memories are hazy due to it being 11 years ago and I bet there was alcohol involved as well which also doesn't help with accuracy. As long as your husband understands that you are really upset that he lied to you then you need to let it go otherwise it will consume you and will become an angry and bitter person whom no one wants to be around.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 July 2011):
 No you're not wrong. That "wild" night sounds a bit too wild and the fact that no one's stories match up is not a good sign. I'm a little confused by your wording, but you say she slept with him? Even if it was 11 years ago, cheating is cheating is cheating. Also lying and going to a strip club is not a good sign for someone who respects you or your wishes. A lapdance to me is 100% cheating, since it is another woman physically getting off your guy. It's up to you how you want to proceed, but unless this guy starts telling the truth, it might be time to rethink this marriage.
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