A
male
age
41-50,
*ardsl
writes:I am in a bit of a pickle....I am a 26 year old guy. I have been told I am very attractive by many females, and I have noticed a lot of woman looking at me.....in streets, at clubs etc. However I am totally clueless and I may be misinterpreting things. I only go on what I am told.Anyhow, for the past 8 years of my life I have been totally dedicated to my study- I have not gone out at all, and have only had 3 relationships with woman.I am concerned, so i am going out to nightclubs regularly now. All my friends are not interested in nightclubs at all, so i go alone.I notice that when I get to these places, some woman keep looking at me, but I have no idea what to do, or if I should respond. I am always alone, drinking by myself....I try to have a smile on my face, and I do feel relaxed and enjoy just the feeling of just being around people. But in some ways, I may look aloof at times, awkward at times, etc etcAt the club they have an outside section. I noticed last night, for instance, that woman were approaching men (the men had other friends with them) but I was never approached.This makes me think I appear strange to them or something.And if I was good looking, wouldn't they approach me?Last night I saw a pretty girl- she kept looking at me again and again..about 10 times in 5minutes..but she wasn't smiling at me or anything. She never said hello...I felt a little insecure being alone, so i was pretending to be talking to a friend on my mobile!I asked a fellow student friend of mine- a female, and she said it is possible that woman are intimidated by me, as she has said I am very attractive.I said I find this strange, and hard to believe, but she said it is definitley it, and she said being alone at clubs makes me more intimidating.I don't know what to think....Any thoughts are greatly appreciated
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male
reader, coles85  +, writes (8 November 2009):
hey mate, i know what you mean, i once tried going for a beer and a smoke in a night club on me own and its pretty pants, but takes a lot of balls! that alone is something! yeah if a birds looking at you multiple times, shes def interested, go over an introduce yourself. personal i find just having a smoke in the smoking room and chilling out in the lounge area are good places to meet women, lots of people hang about these places on there own! its better then looking at the tele all night! just talk to a bunch of lads/lasses that go to these places on the reg and before you know it you'l be enjoying yourself and bang, you;ll be talking to women in no time mate! And the other people are right, women whom check you out expect lads to do the work, a polite smile everytime you catch her stare is a good idea if you can follow it up mate! good luck
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (18 April 2009):
 ps
just saw your bit about you looking away and pretending to text - well, surely you know that's why you aren't getting anywhere? If a girl is secretly checking a guy out, then he looks up and clocks her and then looks immediately away and buries himself in his mobile phone, that means he is saying NO THANKS, in a very very definite way. So that's what you've been doing. And that's why nobody has been coming up to you.
Next time, look back. Several times. And then smile. And I think you'll get somewhere.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (18 April 2009):
If a guy is incredibly good-looking but not very outgoing, yes, I think it unlikely that (sober!) women would approach him. They most likely think you are either taken or that you are aloof and wouldn't want them.
The other thing is, that maybe you should be more proactive - maybe you need to make the first move.
It is difficult if you are very attractive but very shy, as you sound as if you are. Your looks draw attention, but also put people off, which means it is even more important for you to be socially relaxed and able to approach other people.
Also, when people are looking at someone because they fancy them or find their looks fascinating, they tend to study rather than smile. It doesn't mean they don't like you. The girl looking at you was, by the way, her invitation to you - that was her way of approaching you. It doesn't have to be as obvious as someone walking over. With women, it is often a question of her looking at you in a certain way. If a woman doesn't want to engage with a man, she won't look him in the eye - she will deliberately avoid that, as otherwise she might be seen as 'making eyes' at him, and inviting him in. If a woman repeatedly makes eye contact with you, she is letting you know that she is very interested. You then, as the guy, have to approach her. That's often the way it works.
So don't be miserable! Just next time, maybe act on the signals she is giving you.
nx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (18 April 2009):
 OK I can understand where you are coming from.
I'll let you in to a secret not many of us men know... Girls have a wider peripheral vision than us so we have to stare at a girl to see her, but as they have a wider peripheral vision they can watch us with out us knowing, some people call it being subtle, so if a girl looks straight at you, she knows you have been looking for some time, so if she smiles she's interested. If you look away she'll just think you are being strange.
As for your friend! SHE IS WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK HER OUT! That is how it works!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 April 2009):
Well that's another problem, that you need to sort:
If a girl looks at you and smiles then she's inviting you to come and say hi.
If you then look like a scared rabbit and look away then you send out a massive "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" signal.
Just take a chance and try talking to a girl or even smiling back and keep catching her eye. She might come over to the bar and wait for you to come talk to her so do it!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, nardsl +, writes (18 April 2009):
nardsl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello again, and thanks so very much for your kind answers. I am going out tonight again, and will try to apply the things some of you mentioned. The situation is very confusing for me, and it makes me quite sad, as I always go home lonely.
Just a couple of responses:
"I know this may be strange and you are going to say no, but your friend sounds like she used to be into you, or she still is now. I only know that because I've had a similar situation and I liked my "friend" a lot"
Another friend says what you are saying, but I find this weird. She has never asked me out ever, and she keeps telling me "that girl their is checking you out" when we walk along the streets. It doesn't really seem the thing a girl would say if she wanted you??
"Standing around at a bar, by yourself staring at women is CREEPY no matter how good looking you "think" you are"
I actually never ever stare at any woman. If a woman catches me looking at her, I look away straight away and pretend I wasn't looking at her.
Mostly I just sit alone drinking, looking at all different people, and just trying to relax and enjoy myself.
If I catch woman looking at me, I get very nervous, avert my eyes, and pretend to be texting people on my mobile.
I don't know how woman percieve me, so I don't know I am good-looking- that's why I wrote this.
"The reason they are not approaching you might be because they see you on your own and are not too sure about that and don't know whether your single or not!"
If I was alone, wouldn't they assume I was single?
Because I am alone, I do very much worry people may think I'm strange. So that is why I pretend I am texting people, etc.
Once again, any further comments are greatly appreciated....this situation is driving me nuts! I wish I would not have spent so much time at school now!
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A
male
reader, nardsl +, writes (18 April 2009):
nardsl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello again, and thanks so very much for your kind answers. I am going out tonight again, and will try to apply the things some of you mentioned. The situation is very confusing for me, and it makes me quite sad, as I always go home lonely.
Just a couple of responses:
"I know this may be strange and you are going to say no, but your friend sounds like she used to be into you, or she still is now. I only know that because I've had a similar situation and I liked my "friend" a lot"
Another friend says what you are saying, but I find this weird. She has never asked me out ever, and she keeps telling me "that girl their is checking you out" when we walk along the streets. It doesn't really seem the thing a girl would say if she wanted you??
"Standing around at a bar, by yourself staring at women is CREEPY no matter how good looking you "think" you are"
I actually never ever stare at any woman. If a woman catches me looking at her, I look away straight away and pretend I wasn't looking at her.
Mostly I just sit alone drinking, looking at all different people, and just trying to relax and enjoy myself.
If I catch woman looking at me, I get very nervous, avert my eyes, and pretend to be texting people on my mobile.
I don't know how woman percieve me, so I don't know I am good-looking- that's why I wrote this.
"The reason they are not approaching you might be because they see you on your own and are not too sure about that and don't know whether your single or not!"
If I was alone, wouldn't they assume I was single?
Because I am alone, I do very much worry people may think I'm strange. So that is why I pretend I am texting people, etc.
Once again, any further comments are greatly appreciated....this situation is driving me nuts! I wish I would not have spent so much time at school now!
...............................
A
male
reader, nardsl +, writes (18 April 2009):
nardsl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello again, and thanks so very much for your kind answers. I am going out tonight again, and will try to apply the things some of you mentioned. The situation is very confusing for me, and it makes me quite sad, as I always go home lonely.
Just a couple of responses:
"I know this may be strange and you are going to say no, but your friend sounds like she used to be into you, or she still is now. I only know that because I've had a similar situation and I liked my "friend" a lot"
Another friend says what you are saying, but I find this weird. She has never asked me out ever, and she keeps telling me "that girl their is checking you out" when we walk along the streets. It doesn't really seem the thing a girl would say if she wanted you??
"Standing around at a bar, by yourself staring at women is CREEPY no matter how good looking you "think" you are"
I actually never ever stare at any woman. If a woman catches me looking at her, I look away straight away and pretend I wasn't looking at her.
Mostly I just sit alone drinking, looking at all different people, and just trying to relax and enjoy myself.
If I catch woman looking at me, I get very nervous, avert my eyes, and pretend to be texting people on my mobile.
I don't know how woman percieve me, so I don't know I am good-looking- that's why I wrote this.
"The reason they are not approaching you might be because they see you on your own and are not too sure about that and don't know whether your single or not!"
If I was alone, wouldn't they assume I was single?
Because I am alone, I do very much worry people may think I'm strange. So that is why I pretend I am texting people, etc.
Once again, any further comments are greatly appreciated....this situation is driving me nuts! I wish I would not have spent so much time at school now!
...............................
A
female
reader, Soph.p  +, writes (18 April 2009):
I know this may be strange and you are going to say no, but your friend sounds like she used to be into you, or she still is now. I only know that because I've had a similar situation and I liked my "friend" a lot.
People will definitely think you are waiting for someone and when you don't go up to anyone it seems verified that that is what is happening.
If a girl is practically staring at you, and it has happened more than once, you are good looking and girls love it when a guy does the old fashioned and goes to them rather than them having to make the first move.
Have more confidence in yourself :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): If she looks at you that many times she's probably interested, and maybe waiting for you to make the first move. Ten times is a lot.
A casual conversation should let you know if she really does like you
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (18 April 2009):
Standing around at a bar, by yourself staring at women is CREEPY no matter how good looking you "think" you are!
If a girl looks over at you, smile if she smiles back go over buy her a drink or ask her to dance! It really is that easy... Look at some of the ugly lads who are all talking to girls in nightclubs.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 April 2009):
Go up to a girl who smiles and ask her if she's having a good night.
The worst thing that could possibly happen is that she'll say yes but she's here with her boyfriend and run off.
Hardly the end of the world.
The best thing that could happen is that you get chatting and go out and get married and buy a farm and have 5 million kids and invent a new kind of orange juice that makes you a millionaire.
So go for it!!!!!
Good Luck! xx
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