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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my bf for a little over 3 years. He was my soulmate, my perfect partner, we did everything together and he was always there for me, always showering me with love and affection and nothing was too much trouble. The sex was perfect, we moved in together straight off and generally get on really well. We had a row over porn of all things, and its not the first time. Anyway, I dont think its the porn thats the issue but the row leads to him not talking to me, not cuddling me, and we dont have sex for like ages, and im the one that feels crap even though he was the one that was at fault in the begining. I know he still loves me, but i think i need to find affirmation all the time, as when we are not having sex i assume its because he doesnt want me and then i go into sulk, and this causes more hurtful feelings and its like a waiting game for me, i count the days in between not having sex, and then start a row, saying he doesnt love me, doesnt fancy me doesnt want me, when hes like you know i do and im just sick and tired of your bringing this up every month and it never seems to resolve, he tells me its in my head, which maybe it is, but if he loves me and fancies me why is there a lull in the sex, he says hes always fancied me, always wants me and he does do alot for me, why do i have to look for a problem, just right now hes in the not wanting to cuddle me phase as we had a row, and its his way of punishing me, hes not even bothered if i cry anymore as he says thats what all women do when they want thier own way. Hes so stubborn and the atmosphere is crap, this will go on for a couple of days then things are great, then i start analysing stuff again and we are back at square one, i think i have lost confidence somewhere and just think all the time that hes going to leave me, but i cant get it in my head that things probably are okay, im feeling in a real mess at the moment and dont know how best to proceed and to stop all this. He is the most caring bloke you can find, but once hes in a mood thats it, and he says half the time its men inventing stuff and he doesnt want the confrontation when i make mountains out of molehills, how can i get back on an even keel and stop stressing about stuff but at the same time stop him taking away the affection and not caring if i get upset? i know half the time its me, but i dont know how to change it, im scared that im going to lose him and its only a matter of time before things go real bad, but is there something im not seeing, was hoping that someone here might be able to shed some light.Thanks.
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confidence, moved in, porn, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (25 June 2006):
 He probably does still fancy you, but he's either tired at night, or sick of your whining...I wouldnt want sex if my girl was moaning at me all the time. You just have to relax. You are totally overanalysing the relationship to the point where you are stressing yourself out so much that you are picking fights with him and making him mad. Causing an arguement isnt going to get him into bed. If anything it's turning him off. I think you just have to stop analysing your relationship to the point where your relationship is only as good as the amount of sex you have.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2006): i could have written that myslef! i too was in your situation and i have recently been dumped by my soul mate we to were 2gether 3yrs andmoved in straight away. now i see that all this stress and arguments weren't really bout things he was doing wrong just that that i was so close to him emotionally and spiritually that he was the person i came to rely on both to take out all my frustrations and make me happy.it sounds to me as if you are making the same mistake. if i were back in your shoes i would relax about the little things. when women cry and are miserable all the time soon their man gets fed up and looses interest almost as if they become immune to tears.if i were you, which im not i would find another way to release stress away from your boyfriend, if you feel like crying or starting a fight go out for a run or coffee and think to yourself before you go back to him if this is an argument that you really need to have or is it just that you are stressed about something else.i drove away my soul mate and now im in pieces please dont make my mistake.best of luck xxxxxxx
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