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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm in a bind. I recently had sex with my best friends ex-girlfriend and she is now pregnent. We aren't in a relationship and live across the country from each other. I want her to have an abortion and she doesn't. What can I do to convince her having the baby isn't such a great idea (and if you knew all the details, it really isn't a good idea)?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xx-miss-cupid-xx  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 Hey x
This is quite a tough situation, isn't it? But in the end it will be the girl who makes the decision of whether or not to have the baby.
You could sit her down and talk to her about all of the possible outcomes. She may be thinking that having a baby is completely nice and exciting, but it is hard work too.
I'd like to know why you even thought of having sex with her without protection. Sure, it may have been unplanned, but you need to consider the risks beforehand!
I can see that you are very upset and worried about this, so if I were you I would tell her how you feel. A small bit of convincing, but not too much could change her mind. But as I have said, the choice is hers. Accept her decision when she makes it and don't cause any arguments.
Good luck!
Cara -x-
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Unfortunately whatever you want and regardless of any situations it's her decision whether to have the baby or not and it's your obligation to support her. Maybe this seems unfair to you but it's her that will be left holding the baby which will change her life forever. Be supportive. At the moment she is hormonal and probably upset about the loss of her boyfriend and the way you both betrayed him. Be there for her and tell her whatever she decides you will support her. Hope this helps.
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): And a huge part of trying to give advice to people is knowing the details. So what are these details?
Despite these 'details', you have to take responsibility and no one in the right mind should give up and have their pregnancy aborted for any reason unless the baby may come out on life support possibly harming the mother in the process. Even then, that would be up to the mom mainly.
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Fine you made the mistake of sleeping with your friends Ex, it was fun but you should have thought about the consiquences before doing the nasty without a condom!
But the fact that you want her to have an abortion is immature and unfair!
You can't expect her to give up a child, whether it was unplaned or not!
You were big boy enough to sleep with her now you need to be big boy enough to be daddy! It doesn't matter what the situation is, if it wasn't rape there should be no reason to have the abortion!
Best thing to do is tell your friend and take the situation head on a be resposible
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 You are in a bind aren't you? I'm not going to clobber you for sleeping with your best friends ex... you have probably bashed your had against the wall on that one already. I'm not even gonna say anything about you should know enough to use a condom, but I am going to say... when you have sex with someone, unless YOU take precautions there is a possibility that a child will be the result of it. When you have sex with someone you are agreeing, unless I take precautions, I am willing to accept the consequences that may result. You have some consequences to face. No, you cannot make her have an abortion no matter how much you want her too, no matter how much simpler it would make your life. There is nothing you can do to convince her that having a baby isn't such a great idea because unfortnately the choice is hers, not yours. I'd recommend that you accept the situation as it falls. Take responsibility if she decides to keep the child, it is yours too. If you cannot bear to deal with the fact that you have a child you didn't want, maybe, JUST MAYBE, she would be willing to absolve you of any parental responsibilities. If she chooses not to, you could possibly have no choice in your role in supporting (financially) this child.. of course I can only speak of U.S laws and only of certain states... where I am from, wages are docked for child support by the state once the childs parents are identified. You could offer her money to pay for an abortion, sell her your opinion on this, but you gave up control when you decided not to protct yourself.
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