A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, So me and my gf broke up about 3 months ago because of things that she was doing in our relationship that were setting us apart (talking to guys in the middle of the night, etc.). So we broke up. During the break I fell into this depression period where I was started drinking all the time to get my mind off of her because I felt like I wasn't good enough for her. But one day I drunk a little too much and ended up having sex with this one girl who I don't even know. I haven't talked to or seen her before. We met at a bar, she was drunk, I was, one thing led to another and yeah. That is one of my biggest regrets and I hardly remember anything. But still, it eats away at me. 2 months later me and my gf got back together and I wanted to tell her this but I don't want her to look at me differently or think about leaving me. We are doing really good right now and we tell each other everything. What should I do? SHould I wait a little then tell her or not at all? Do you think she would respect me for telling her that or what? It does drive me crazy from time to time thinking about it though..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): I think it depends on the circumstances.
If you and her lost your virginities together and she was absolutely miles away from messing with any other guy during that whole breakup, then you are telling an indirect lie by keeping this from her. Nevermind the common social rules because this is the truth of the matter.
On the other hand if you've both been sexually active with multiple other people before you got together, and this would have been the normal course of action for you or her eventually, that's a different thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): I have to come back and say, it's all very well you guys advising the guy asking the question, that he should tell his NOW girlfriend he had a one night stand, when they weren't even going out together, that's like advising him to go back before that, and tell her about every girlfriend or casual experience he's ever had, it has about as much relevance.It is NOT being dishonest not to offer information on other relationships that have NO current relevance- Dishonesty comes into play, only IF she happens to ask him if he had met or dated any females, and he was to say no. Offering up such information could have the opposite effect as they have only just got back together. There is no right and wrong way, only think about what you hope to achieve, is a cleansing of the experience for YOU, as you didn't enjoy it, you feel unhappy about it and just need to off load. Put it another way, if this wasn't your ex, now current girlfriend, it was someone completely new you had just met, would you sit her down and explain about a one night stand - I suspect your answer would be NO, so just think about this and your reasons behind your thinking.Jilly x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): No Ross Gellar. Do not tell her. Remember the sitcom "Friends"?? Stupid Ross said to Rachel (yeah like in real life a doofus like him could land a hottie like her!) "We were on a break!!!" Where did that get him? It just kept getting thrown up in his face.Keep your mouth shut and move on. No good will come of it.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Relationships are built on honesty above else. People make mistakes, that's life. But you didn't even make a mistake. You were broken up at the time. Telling her is not an admission of guilt, it's just being honest with her and more or less leading by example on how you want her to do the same.
When should you tell her? There is no magic answer there. But you should definitely put some thought into the conversation. Try to make it more than just telling her what you did. Tell her your relationship with her is very important to you and you really want to make it work. And for it to work you both need to be open and comfortable enough to be honest with each other. Then tell her what happened. Again, she'll most likely be upset, but if she cares about you she'll eventually get over it.
Not telling her is not the same as cheating behind her back and keeping it from her.... but if there is a chance this could be a long term relationship, or even marriage.... being the decent guy you sound like you are, this would be eating away at you for a long time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks people this really helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Caring Guy is right, she doesn't need to know. This is not because I'm suggesting you be dishonest, but you were NOT in a relationship with this girl at the time. What you did, or she did in this time apart is irrelevant. Try not to beat yourself up about this, you are human, ok it may not be one your proudest moments, but again this is life, we can all make mistakes along the way, it part of life's process in gauging what we want, or don't want for future relationships. It's what happens NOW between you and your girlfriend that matters...Jilly x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so its 1 yes, 1 no..if I should tell her, when is the best time to do that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): I'd tell her
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 June 2010):
Well, if you value your relationship and expect her to be completely honest with you, then you have to do the same thing and be honest with her. It's not going to be easy, and she may get upset at first, but can you really expect to have a long term relationship with her while keeping secrets?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 June 2010):
I don't think she needs to know. You broke up, so what you did then is none of her business. You've got nothing to be worried about. Let's face it, before you broke up she was hardly a saint. Don't sit there feeling guilty. Just get to work on making sure you and your girlfriend don't break up again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Ross and Rachel Rachel and Ross...we were on break...blah blah blahDude...she slept with another guy too you know....
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