A
female
age
41-50,
*atnip
writes:ok so i was seeing someone last year and i really liked them. He ended things with me and i got really hurt. I have spent the last 6 months trying to get over him and it has been really hard as i am so heartbroken. I had started getting better and even felt more confident and have started to like myself ( i have always had issues with this and have been having help with building my self esteem etc). I have to work with this person which is very difficult. When i came into work on Monday i actually felt really good and seeing him about didn't affect with so bad. I had started to realise it was his loss and i deserved better. Usually seeing him about work is difficult for me. Well all of a sudden he started sniffing around me , i tried to stay strong so much and keep away however yesterday I ended up caving in, and saw, and well one thing led to another, and you can guess what happened!! Now i know it takes two and i am responsible for my own actions but i am so dissapointed in myself. I felt like i had started getting my power back and just gave it away again. I worked so hard to feel better and now any small amount of self esteem has gone again. Its almost like he knew - like he could tell i was feeling good and just swooped back in. Can I get back to the place i was when i started to feel better - it took so long. How do i get my power back
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confidence, heartbroken, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Since you find it impossible to be around him and not fall prey to him, change jobs or departments so you never have to see him again. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (1 August 2014):
 I'd like for you to see this not as a moment of weakness but as a lesson. This guy still has a hold on you. No matter how strong you think you are, he can penetrate through all of that and pierce right into your soul. You're strong, yes, but you're actually not very strong when it comes to him. You work with this guy so you need to become immune to his efforts. You acknowledge your part in this but it's time to escape this hold that he has on you. You going to see him often so you cannot cave in every time he bats his pretty little eyelids. You handed over your strength when that one thing led to the other. That's why you're feeling weak and disappointed in yourself. Why not instead of trying to convince yourself that you're strong away from the guy who is the problem, face it head on. You can't become immune to something with working on yourself away from him because in all reality, you resisting him when you're not around him counts for NOTHING! Whether you give in when you're around him or stand your ground matters. It's always easy to resist while being away from him and as I've said that means nothing at all and that doesn't accurately test your strength and power to say no because once he comes around then you give in. He knows that he has you. He knows that and he wants nothing more than to screw around with you and your feelings then brag about his hold on you. So the next time he comes around (he will, trust me, you're now the easiest thing for him), tell him exactly where to get off. You have the power to say no so exercise that. Say no. If you come into contact with him, stand your ground. Be tough and never let him enter in. You've got to immune yourself against his efforts or you'll run back each time he looks your way. It's spilled milk OP so don't dwell on what happened. It happened and now it's time to move on. It's no time to feel sorry for yourself or accept other people's pity. Dust yourself off and move on but never even if you may want to, allow yourself to be used by him again. He will be back so brace yourself. Be strong instead of having to trick yourself into believing that you're strong. That strength will only show itself when you start saying no to him. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Speaking from a male perspective, men love to chase what they can't have, the unattainable. When you decided he wasn't good enough and it was his loss, you were right, and he knows this and must do everything he can do get his ego back up and feel like someone needs or wants him. Ashamedly, I have felt this way before when it comes to girls.
My advice to you, forget him. He doesn't deserve you now and he never did. You got your confidence once, you can do it again. Don't be mad at yourself for a momentary lapse in power, control or judgement. Move ahead and find a man who wants you from the moment he sets eyes on you.
Best wishes for the future.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (1 August 2014):
 He knows your weakness and loves the power he has over you. Its a bruise to his ego and you need to learn to be strong or every time this happens you will hit ground zero. Try to change jobs or change department, start making friends and having a like outside of this guy. You need to make sure that you are surrounded by people that have your best heart at interest and will support you. Do something for yourself, like have a new hair do, go shopping and spoil yourself, change your looks and attitude to life, I promise you will feel better. You need to feel good on the outside and the inside just become a mind set. Remember you have the strength and will power to control your actions and not lent him lead you on. Why let scum bag get to you again. We all make the mistake of going back and you need to accept it was a mistake don't be hard on your self and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Aww, poor you. Shame you had moment of weakness but I suppose it happens to the best of us. Why did he end it in the first place?? I think maybe you need to find a strong bunch of friends who have your back in order for you to rebuild your confidence. Can you not swap departments so you don't have to see this guy? If he even looks at you again tell him to p*** off, and it was his loss. Karma has a funny way of coming around...!!Good luck!
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