A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have a business together and spend almost 24 hours together. We are like best friends, we have a good laugh together, we travel the world together, share the same goals in life, and enjoy each other's company. We've known each other for 10 years and been together intimately for 6 years. Over the last 3 years however, our sex life has become very quiet, and we go without touching each other sometimes for months. Being in my early 30's, I have felt my body changing and wanting sex more than ever. Him, on the other hand, has quietened down in this department. When I ask him if it's me, he says no and and says that he's just tired... Recently, I found porn on his laptop, consisting of girls and threesomes. The cookies on his laptop also suggest that he looks at these sites very often. His mind is obviously active when it comes to sex - so why does he not have any physical desires with me anymore? He NEVER pounces on me for sex like I wish he would. Being a dancer, I am fit, healthy, and I look after myself physically. Recently, I revamped my underwear wardrobe with some sexy numbers, but he just yawns and goes to sleep. I don't know if it's me or him? I am really upset as I think he's not with me 100% anymore. I would be interested to hear from the guys in particular. If you don't want sex, but you are looking elsewhere, are you bored of your own girl?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): He has turned to porn because it is much easier to "deal" with. It is the lazy way to get off. He doesn't want to work at it. It is the same as going online to look for advice instead of confronting your boyfriend. I agree with an above poster. Try some "out there" things you have thought of doing for your own pleasure and let him choose to join. If he doesn't...discuss it with him. Be straight and to the point, accept no vague answers. Your desires will only get stronger into your late 30's and 40's, and the last thing you should do is wait for his drive to increase. It may never. There are men out there whose drives don't decrease with age. I wish you luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Porn has replaced real intimacy in his world. You will have to find some way to reconnect sexually with him. Don't take no for an answer. Do something obvious to get his attention. Lay on the bed naked, with candles lit every where and play some cheesy music if you have to. Subtlety won't work. Masturbate- loudly, so he can overhear you. If he is still alive this will peak his interest and he'll come see how he can help. You aren't getting what you need anymore. Buy some top quality kinky lingerie- I'm talking leather and latex- play dominatrix! Pull out all the stops, offer to go down on him, etc, etc. Maybe reenact his favorite porn scene for him?
if none of it works then there are much much deeper problems than just sex and counselling may be needed.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 You need to establish if he loves you. He will always have some amount of sex on his mind and it might not always involve you. Guys can think about sex in a very general way. It's just fantasy. You need to talk to him about this.
What happens to couples is a decrease in the efforts toward exciting each other. We're too sure that the person will be there tomorrow and we don't have to dote on them today. Monotony sets in and we take each other for granted. The problem is this, the cure is a double edged sword. You want him to desire more sex with you but you don't want to have to nag him for sex. You want him to be attracted to you like he is to the porn. Was there ever a time when he wanted sex and you couldn't be bothered? Did this go on for a while? Usually men are the ones hunting for sex and the women are the ones putting it off. Often, men become frustrated because they have to beg for sex. Eventually they shut down due to resentment. Then, when the wife realizes her man is looking at porn, she becomes insulted, even though she hasn't been giving him sex.
I don't know what's going on at your house but you need to communicate. You will begin to resent him. This seed will grow in your heart and lead to worse problems. I believe that when you're in a marriage, you need to be as sexual to your partner as you can. You also need to portray an image of desire. This builds your partners confidence and makes them feel desirable. Everyone wants to feel this way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): maybe you are up too close - running a business and living together - and he just can't see you any more.
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