A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy, friend of a friend.He keeps complimenting me, which makes uncomfortable to begin with because I don't know how to accept compliments. He bought me coffee, held my hand and kept holding me by the waist. Yesterday he hugged me so tight I couldn't move and then tried to pull the "going for the cheek and on the last second change directions to the lips". I realized it, shoved him before he did it, and told him to get lost.Today he saw me with some friends and grabbed me but I was so freaked out I yelled "I have other friends" and walked away, while he stood looking angry and yelling "so that's how it is then?", in a very emotional blackmailing kind of way.I have major trust issues and I feel I have to know someone on a deeper level JUST to kiss them - I could never make out with a guy who I barely know. Having this kind of flirting happening is making me extremely nervous and uncomfortable. I'm trying to avoid him but this will be impossible, as he frequents all places I go to. I won't be able to confront him, because of self-esteem issues.I don't want this situation to keep going. It'll all be so awkward, specially because he's friends with all my friends. I'm praying he got my hints (let's be honest, they were pretty obvious).I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Well lets start with he’s NOT flirting.. he is invading your space. And you are allowing it.
When he (or anyone compliments you) if you have nothing to say all you have to say is “thank you” and move on.
IF he buys you coffee you are not under an obligation to accept it.
Him: “here I got you a coffee I put milk and sugar in the way you like”
You: “thank you that was very kind but I don’t want a coffee now” then turn away.
If he’s asked “would you like coffee” the proper response is “no thank you” if he pushes you it’s the same thing “I said NO thank you” and that’s all you say… it’s called “the broken record technique” and it works great for folks that DO NOT TAKE HINTS…. You just keep saying the same thing over and over… they eventually will get it.
NOW on to the other things…
(he) held my hand
How did he hold your hand without your consent… you can pull your hand away from his and if he won’t let it go you say “please let my hand go now” while pulling it. Say it quietly and calmly. If he doesn’t let it go you say a bit louder PLEASE let my hand go NOW” while pulling your hand away… and then angle your body so he can’t grab it again.
If he holds you by the waist, you TWIST away and say “please don’t touch me it makes me uncomfortable”
I had a man at work who was VERY touchy feely with me… I did these things and he didn’t take a hint…. Thankfully it was WORK and I was able to have a supervisor intervene and tell him to watch his personal space…. So now he says things.. but he no longer touches me….
“when he said “so that’s the way it is then?” you say “Yep, I am NOT interested” sounds like he’s GETTING the message you just have to keep broadcasting it.
remember he only gets away with what you permit. NO is a perfectly good word. USE it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): "I won't be able to confront him"
Then you're just going to have to put up with it because if you don't tell him you're not interested and stop bugging you he's just going to keep going.
By letting him do this OP, you're playing the tease, I have to say I think you may actually enjoy the attention because if you didn't all you'd have to say is "stop, don't do that kind of thing to me anymore I'm not interested in you"
Simple, problem solved but if you can't then have fun sneaking around always nervous and always watching your back because he won't stop because you're just playing hard to get.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Its simple really, if he tries to hold your hand ask him not to, if he tries to kiss you again be firm and tell him not to do that he is making you feel uncomfortable. If he touches you step away from him and ask him not to. If you do not want to speak to him then make your excuses and walk away from him.
I can see the issue here is you have self esteem issues. Do you actually like this guy as a friend? You need to build up your confidence more. Accept that someone hitting on you is a compliment and not something you should be embarrassed about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): I'm afraid to say it does sound like you really do need to pull him aside (OK, no actual pulling, it is just a saying) and maybe say something along the lines of 'I get that you like me, but could you please stop [whatever it is you want him to stop doing]' - basically ask him to back off. You could practice what you want to or need to say in private first, which would hopefully build up your confidence.If you really really cannot face doing that, then the next best thing I can suggest would be to perhaps write him (or type out) a little letter or note asking him to back off, using similar wording as above.You certainly need to tackle the issue pretty soon, before things potentially get out of hand. If you don't want him to hold your hand, then say so. Same goes for holding your waist.If none of this helps, or you can't really do or face doing anything already suggested, then the final thing to suggest is just keep up with the hints, or make them stronger (less of the holding hands is a start).Good luck!
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