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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi there,I am 29 and single and have realised finally that my self-esteem is incredibly low.I was with an abusive guy for three years, and then he dumped me! We lived together and it took me almost two years to recover.I feel this is not normal and I should have more emotional coping resources than this.Then I met another guy who dumped me too - probably because I couldn't relax and be myself and I always was really defensive, finding it hard to listen to how he felt cos I was afraid he'd hurt me somehow - and of course it became a self-fulfilling prophecy, he did hurt me.All my life I've been very sensitive and insecure. I tried going to a shrink and she said it was bacause my dad was never around and lots of girls suffer self-esteem problems in that situation.Howwever, the things is, realising you have low self-esteem is one thing... my friends tell me, my old counsellor helped me see it, it's obvious to me... but what do you do about low self-esteem?How do you change it and build youself up? No one ever seems to be able to help with that part and I have no clue...Any advice is welcome please... this is a deep-down problem and no amount of doing things for myself and spending 'me-time' seems to make me feel like everyone else seems to feel - that is, resiliant and strong.Thanks.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (14 September 2005):
There is an absolutely brilliant web site I would recommened to anybody but especially to someone who has a low self esteem, it is by a man who helped to raise my self esteem years ago while I was recovering from a marriage breakup , an abusive marriage by the way, I had also been in a relationship with a dangerous boyfriend at a young age. I am like a different person now, happily married to a wonderful man. Brian Tracy is the genius behind the website, he has written some books also, this stuff is no good on its own though you have to make a commitment to yourself. Hope this works for you, if it does you will look back years from now and ask in disbelief "was that really me?"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2005): Dear, experiences during our childhood do play a particularly big role in the shaping of our basic self-esteem. When we're growing up, our successes (and failures) and how we were treated by the members of our immediate family, by our teachers, coaches, by our peers, this all contributes to the creation of our basic self-esteem. If anyone in your past, harshly criticized you, ignored you, abused you--then you know they were wrong.
Before you can begin to improve your low self-esteem you must first believe that you can change it. Change doesn't necessarily happen quickly or easily, but it can happen. You are not powerless and you have to believe in you.
Courage is the key to overriding low self-esteem and living life to the fullest. And the more you use it the easier it gets to use it again because you accumulate evidence to suggest using your courage is the right thing to do. Living in fear is often worse than a painful consequence that may arise from taking a calculated risk. When you're used to using your courage you can actually find that the amount of pleasure you experience rises, even if you occasionally fail. Practice Basic Self-Care. Get enough sleep, eat in a healthy fashion, get regular exercise and so forth. Plan fun & relaxing things for yourself. Reward yourself for your accomplishments-never be afraid to compliment yourself for doing good. Remind yourself of your strengths & achievements Pops is right-make a list of things you like about yourself and read them daily. Keep a 'success' file of awards, certificates and positive letters or citations. Keep momentos of accomplishments you are proud of where you can see them. Surround yourself with people and friends who accept and love you, just the way uou are. Very importantly, forgiveness. When you don't do all you'd hoped for, self nurturing can be surprisingly hard if you are not used to doing it. Don't be critical of yourself. So please, forgive yourself for mistakes, and, instead, see them as opportunities to learn and grow in life. Don't dwell on stuff you can't go back and change. Smile, laugh and have fun in life. And before you get into any more relationships..build that self-esteem so you are better able to make the best choices fir YOU. You are worth the best life has to offer so, no more loser boyfriends, okay? Take care, and be gentle with yourself.
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A
reader, pops +, writes (11 September 2005):
Make lists. Make a list of all the good things about yourself. Make a list of the bad things about yourself. Make a list of those things about your self you want to improve. Make a list of things you see in other people you admire. Make a list of things you see in other people that you don't like. Once you have a good list of things to like about yourself, along with that second list of things you want to improve, set out a plan to check off the second list, and add them to your first list.
Then, every morning, when you look in the mirror, tell that image how lucky the world is to have you in it. Comb your hair, practice your smile, put your shoulders back, and then go out into the world confident that others will soon realize that there is a new " you " to meet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2005): i had da same prob. easy solution....surround urself with people who care and DONT JUMP INTO RELATIONSHIPS. Dont say "yea" till ur ready to be in a relationship. give urself some time.
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