A
female
age
30-35,
*ee_autiful
writes:So we are both in our mid-20s and studying the same course at university. We're not friends, but we're friendly- have done a few group assignments together and sometimes talk to each other before class. I honestly have no idea how he feels about me- we only see each other once a week, and both verbal and eye contact is very inconsistent..although on our last day, I was noticing that he was watching me more than usual.. We're currently on a break from university, but it was his birthday the other day, and as I didn't see him, I decided to send him a message via fb. He doesn't use fb very much, but I had previously had a small conversation through private messages and so I don't think he would see anything of me communicating with him again through private messaging.. In my message, I tried to be casual and not to forward, and included "I shall have to take you out for a drink sometime."Would a guy think this is just a friendly or empty gesture or take it for more?His reply to me included "grabbing a drink would be great, we should definitely do that." I honestly don't know what to make of it because he is a really polite guy?My reply to him left it at "seen as you're the birthday boy, will leave it to you to decide the details."Was that a good way to leave it? I don't want to be too forward in case he isn't interested... I'm honestly not expecting to hear back from him until we're back at university, but I don't know how to act when we go back. I'm quite shy and know I won't bring it up again, not to mention we have limited times to see each other and are also usually around others... Any advice?
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female
reader, bee_autiful +, writes (24 May 2013):
bee_autiful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for those suggestions- it's just a waiting game now, until we go back to university but it's eating me up- wondering whether I will get a chance to talk to him, and how I can make him see that I was being genuine in asking him out, but all the while not putting myself completely out there...
I think I mentioned that I had no expectations of hearing from him until we go back, but he had some information that I needed for an assignment, so I asked a friend who works with him, if she could ask him to send it to me (so that I didn't seem like I was harassing him)- he sent me a message asking what it was that I was after, being his usual polite self but I don't know how to use this as another way to reinforce that I'm interested? I will be seeing him in a week, but don't have time to spare and so can't be like "how about that drink this week"... suggestions? what can I say?
A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (20 May 2013):
Ummmm . . . with all respect, I think I have answered your questions.
Is he "interested"? Yes, probably so. Is he irresistibly attracted to you? Not yet - but he might be persuaded. Is he ready to set aside everything to be your life partner? No - it will take several months of person-to-person interaction before he could possibly make that kind of commitment, and a year or more isn't an unreasonable timeline.
Nothing you have mentioned sounds "desperate" to me. I think it would be very appropriate to nudge him with a follow-up message, something like "Hey - have you found time for our drink together yet?". If there is the possibility of mutual attraction this is even more than simply "appropriate".
Other approaches? Verbally give him that message the next time you see him in person. Yeah, I know - zero possibility that a shy girl like you would ever do that. Actually, that fear is quite OK - even MORE than just "OK" - because it's part of who you are and what makes you, uniquely YOU. But from HIS perspective, having a girl say that would be quite acceptable and even flattering. (He might get all self-conscious and mumbly as he declines the offer because he's too shy to think that a girl would be sincere about making the offer. At that point you are supposed to look disappointed, get tears in your eyes, and softly say, "Please?".)
Or have a mutual friend, of either sex, act as the go-between. You'll have to work out the details with your chosen emissary. And you may have to accept whatever compromise your spokes-person brings back to you.
"Chicken out"? Yeah, that's definitely a temptation. You can say, "I'll be with some friends at { someplace } next Tuesday. Is that a good time for your birthday drink?". Having a good friend (of either sex), who understands the situation, at your elbow can help you get over some of the jitters and initial roughness.
You two are casual acquaintances, interacting in a very common and typical way. It might turn into something serious and life-changing; it might not. Yes, the odds are against it but you can still have a lot of casual fun - and even some serious pleasure (and that does not refer to sex) - as you explore the possibilities.
Probably the most important way for you to "act", is to "act yourself". The worst thing you can do is try to be something you aren't. Most people - especially us quiet-and-shy types - can spot a phony. We know that phony people often try to exploit our own insecurities, or use us for their own advancement.
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A
female
reader, bee_autiful +, writes (20 May 2013):
bee_autiful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far... I don't know how to bring up the drink without seeming desperate and, all the while, still keeping it casual in case he isn't interested in me...Also I need a way to do it so I won't chicken out... How should I act when we see each other again (it will be three weeks since the birthday)? We do catch each other's eyes occasionally, but it's inconsistent. On the last day of uni, before our break, I did catch him looking at me more than usual.. but I still don't know if it wasn't just coincidental... I know I need to be more obvious, as we are coming to the end of our degree- but I only see him once a week, and I am shy
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (17 May 2013):
It sounds like a good start. He's probably still wondering if your offer was a polite gesture, a commonplace offer from a casual friend, or something more significant - especially since you pulled back a little by telling him to decide the details. Even though you are "quite shy", I think it would be very appropriate to nudge him with a follow-up message, something like "Hey - have you found time for our drink together yet?". If there is the possibility of mutual attraction this is even more than simply "appropriate".
(And do a little thinking about the "problem" of being "usually around others". You can say, "I'll be with some friends at { someplace } next Tuesday. Is that a good time for your birthday drink?". Having a good friend (of either sex), who understands the situation, at your elbow can help you get over some of the initial roughness.)
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (17 May 2013):
 I think you played it well, he obviously likes you, go out for a drink as friends, if it leads to more great. If it doesn't your still friends
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