A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started corresponding with this guy on Okcupid about three years ago. We wrote to each other long, thoughtful messages and almost went out on a date, but I'd started hitting it off with another guy and eventually dated this other guy for two years, during which the OKC guy and I stopped writing. He said, when I told him that I'm with someone now, to get in touch with him if things change.Well, I'm single again since April, and in May I wrote him back and reactivated my account. He wrote back a happy message to hear from me, and we started corresponding again with the same long, thoughtful messages. Damn, we practically have a book written by now. We agreed to meet in the fall when I'm back in the US after a very long trip I'm on. Now here's my question: I wrote to him one week ago, and haven't heard any reply for him. I check and re-check like a maniac. He hasn't logged on since exactly one week ago, which is when I sent the message. I have also noticed that he ONLY logs on to read my message and to send me a message. He seems to have no internet presense on this dating site except to communicat with me? Is this normal? Is this a sign that he might have someone in real life? I find this internet behavior abnormal. Please enlighten me, anyone! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 The okcupid goes to his email, so it's not like he goes on to that website just to check for you. He just didn't feel it's necessary to delete his account. He doesn't have much confidence with you because you chose another guy over him. So even though you ended things with the other guy he feels you are just communicating with him until someone better comes along. I get the impression that he's just a slow mover and therefore a guy with the mindset "strike when the iron's hot" got you first. If you want something out of this you would have to be the one initiating I am afraid. You can try telling him you haven't heard from him for a while, and you wonder if your date in September is still on. I don't know what your messages were like but you haven't met in real life. So it's hard for you to know what's in his mind about you two.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (7 August 2014):
 Well the no reply in one week could mean he is busy, it could also mean he met someone else and hasn't been on to tell you so. When you are only talking by long messages back and forth he may not have had the time to log on and give you a long response yet.
Now the fact that he only logs on to see your messages, this could be because you are the only one messaging him. He has been on the site for 3 years. And he is a male. Men on dating sites normally don't get a ton of attention, nothing like females on dating sites do. I have known men to be on sites for years and have found nothing. If he hasn't left the site at all in 3 years and has no new pictures then his profile won't attract much attention.
He probably has given up on the site or uses it as a back up means of dating, widening his dating pool from females he would only meet in real life. Obviously he isn't using it actively to find dates since he only logs on when you have sent him something. If someone were to come across his profile and send him a message then great, he may respond back, but if not then he isn't logging on. He isn't actively searching for ladies on the site.
This doesn't have to mean he has someone in real life. It isn't impossible either of course, he could be married. These are just options of what is going on with him, we would have no way of knowing for sure. In this instance go with your gut, online dating is no guarantee. He could be anything. If you feel this is too fishy then stop correspondence with him.
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