A
male
age
30-35,
*hatsgoingon?
writes:MOD NOTE: OP's own title:Hey people, So me and my gf been back together for almost 2 months after a breakup and things are so far going okay. But the guy she was talking to during the breakup still from time to time tries to call and text her. And when on AIM today, I saw he left an away message saying "sleep, love you _____"---my gf's name. This is annoying to me and I talked to my gf about this a few weeks ago and she said he stopped, but I see that he is still doing these little things. I don't want to nag or upset her but I feel like she needs to deal with this because its been going on for awhile now. What should I do? I've talked to her about it 2 times prior before.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Talk to her once more and make it clear to her that this is a dealbreaker for you.
I have to say though man, it doesn't sound like your girlfriend hasn't told him that she's not interested. Otherwise he would stop this. Seriously, she's either leading him on or keeping him around as plan b, should things not work out with you or she could be still talking to him when you're not around etc.
I don't know which is worse to be honest.
It would be very easy for her to get him to stop, but she seems unwilling to do what it takes. A simple 'I'm not interested, I don't want you to contact me anymore, I have a boyfriend' would do, but it's clear she hasn't done this.
Let's be clear here, she's either playing you or she's playing him. She's either leading him on or she does want him around because she wants to keep her options open.
A
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reader, rcn +, writes (30 July 2010):
 Okay, when she says it's stopped, but the it has not, and you bring it up again, does she say it's stopped then as well? I would actually wonder if they are still communicating, not to say that her intent is the same as his, but if that communication is still open between them.
What I want you to keep in mind is that you are not her keeper. She can talk to and be friends with guys. There is such a misconception that people believe just because they are together than any contact with the opposite sex is inappropriate. It isn't. I've had relationships where their best friend was a guy. It was difficult, but I had to realize that there is a difference between friendships with the opposite sex, and what she and I would have together. When we become insecure about those friendships, it's because we're insecure with ourselves, and not that the friendship is inappropriate.
This particular friendship, it seems his comments are beyond the boundaries of just being friends. Even if she's not seeking more from him, he is from her, therefore it is one that she should be firm and end because you two are together. She needs to realize that emotional affairs are no different than having a physical one. It's taking that part of her she shares with you and extends it to someone else. I'd ask her, "what do you want." This communication may still be happening because she really doesn't know.
I hope this helps.
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