A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I posted a question here not too long ago about a man who had shown me tons of interest and who gave me long gazes, and asked me to go visit him at his work place and repeatedly asked me to call him. When I wrote him an email a few days later, he never responded, although he was the one who showed me all the interest!I kind of feel disappointed that people can behave in such immature and rude ways. To double check that his work email receives my emails, I wrote an email to someone else in the same company he works for and they responded right away, so I ruled out the idea that maybe he never got the email. Also I did write from my work email and perhaps he was intimidated by my much higher position than his?The best thing would probably be to go about my own business and not bother with him anymore, but I can't get it out of mind how he pursued me/lured me, and then dropped me like a fly once I responded. Let me tell you, his ways were very genuine. His throat was tightening at one point when he saw me the last time, and he was genuine about me passing by to see him. He kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tightly the last time he saw me. In fact, he looked like a guy who had fallen in love with me. I can distinguish between sleaze balls and genuine men.I approached this very cautiously myself since I last saw him, so I was not overly eager in any way. Now, my ego is slightly bruised as a result of him never responding to my email, and I am a very proud woman. I thought at the very least he would be a friend to stay in touch with as he had been so genuine and nice with me.Should I email him one more time and tell him that I will be taking my business elsewhere (I am a client) and that I thought he would have at the very least responded to my email since he asked me to contact him? Or should I ignore him and never show that I even cared about him not responding? The other option is to show up at his work and speak to other employees and completely brush him off (although I don't see myself doing that). I feel like pissing him off to alleviate my frustration!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2015): Don't you find it weird that he repeatedly asked you to call him and repeatedly asked you to go visit him at his work? Did he ever suggest HIMSELF calling you? Or HIM going to visit you? Or HIM taking you out for dinner like normal people do when they are genuinely interested? If he is so interested why does he suggest that you do all the work here?
Sounds like he is setting you up. Maybe using you to try to make someone jealous. Maybe he wants you to call him and visit him at work to show someone else how desirable he is. He's got this chick (you) calling and dropping by his work unannounced.
I think this guy is up to something and unlike you, I don't see how any of this sounds genuine. A genuine guy will do the pursuing. He'll call you. He'll drop by your work. He'll ask you out to a movie or to dinner.
If you keep calling him or drop by his work, you are going to give him what he wants. Attention. But there will be nothing in return for you. So I would stick to plan B: ignore him and don't show you care that he never responded.
Quick question. Do you and this guy have mutual friends or anything? Does he know about your past sexual history or know/work with someone you've had sex with? If so, that could explain a lot.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2015): you will not be able to read him I am afraid as you do not know him ..
leave it be
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 January 2015):
 Just as a P,S, tt's possible he's had life-changing issues with his family/parents and just isn't able to keep tabs on a woman he stared at for a while.
Hospitalized parents or siblings or life-changing diagnoses can alter one's approach to life.
Let it go.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 January 2015):
I'd just let it go. You run the risk of creating a lot of drama and to what end? You'll wind up looking like a stalker if you show up at his workplace and go off on him.
Let it go. Let it go.
Repeat as necessary.
Let it go.
[If you can't let it go then you'll need some followup care yourself from a professional therapist/counselor.]
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 January 2015):
Sometimes being nice can be taken as a sign of flirting. It can't be help in today's society.
I don't really see why you are upset by this. It is not like you two were dating and I don't think he did anything so grand for you. You "sending an email" is not some grand invitation only deserved to a select few in your life. If he likes you then he might send a date your way, but if not, then who cares? Surely, this guy is not a one in a billion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2015): He could have just been flirting or is very friendly. Some men are like this by nature... natural flirts or charmers.... and it is simply innocent and not meant to go any further. Possibly he gets his kicks out of toying with women. Who knows? He may do this to all of them or ones who are attractive. Could be his M.O. Call me may just be "call me" as in when someone asks you "how are you?" and doesn't really care to know the answer. It's in passing. Small talk. All of these observations are "assumptions" on your part. You are perceiving him a certain way. You are assuming he likes you and all the signals mean he is in LOVE with you? I am sorry but friendliness and long glances and asking a woman to call a man do not equate to love.You seem to be inventing some fairy tale romance in your own head.And you are very angry that he is not bowing to your email. I am sure he has a life and other things going on. He has shown you that you are not really a priority in his life. Or he would have responded to you.Do you know if he is married or attached?If so, clearly he is not interested in pursuing you as he is happy in his current relationship.Just having some innocent fun.I know, it seems hurtful to you. But some men are like this. They like to feel in control and usually these types have big egos and want a woman to get mad at them. Makes them feel good that they affected her. It is like a game. So don't stoop to his level.If you do, you are playing his game. He will see you are mad and probably have a good laugh at how desperate you are or how much he has affected you by not answering a simple email.Completely ignore him. Beat him at his own game.You can do better than some wishy washy flirt.I know how you feel. I have met his type. They just blow a lot of hot air.And I really don't think he is giving this all the thought and effort that you are.Trust me. IF he is really interested, he will respond without any further contact from you.Don't think too much of it.I would just leave it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 January 2015):
 I know you feel you read him right, but what you don't really know.. IS the guy. ONLY what you saw or think you saw in his actions/body language.
If you are a client of his, I will presume he is a salesman of some sort. Good salesmen are by nature outgoing, friendly and at times even flirtatious in a milder form.
He might have been a LITTLE too friendly with you, specially if you are an attractive female. But.. HE would be married, engaged or even have a GF - and when he got your e-mail he might have realized he crossed the line of professionalism and being a BIT to familiar with a client.
Or maybe, he just ISN'T as interested as he let on. Or, because you were NOT overly eager, he is trying to reel back and seem less eager.
Personally, I'd just ignore it. I'd treat him as JUST another vendor/salesman from now on. No more hugging or eyelash batting.
By sending another e-mail you can come off as either a scorned woman, or a desperate one.
By showing up at his work, you can seem well.. like a nutter. Specially if you ONLY want to show up to "ignore" him.
You win some, you lose some.
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