A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I split up around 6 months ago as we were "bashing heads" and were arguing all the time, we couldnt see a way to compromise. I wanted him to be a bit more outgoing and social, but he was happy to be at home all the time. He ended things to give us space and allow me to go off and do the social thing. I was devastated after the split and ended up cutting all ties with him in order to try and move on. I had a rebound relationship but only very briefly and ended it. About 2 months ago, I get a random text from my ex saying that he is having a clear out and has come across some of my things (car boot junk), he asked me if I wanted them back. My heart skipped a beat and I was really happy to hear from him! I played it cool and told him that he could throw the stuff out as it was junk. I didnt think I would hear from him again, but later on that day he texted me to say that he had taken the stuff to the tip, and then we started a text convo that turned to long emails back and forth.Turns out he still loves me and has organised a trip away with his best friend for 6 months to take his mind off what hurts i.e. me). He told me he still has my photos up in his house, still looks at houses (we were just about to buy when we broke up)and he wanted to see me before he goes travelling, and still misses me dearly, he wanted to be with me forever. I went to see him last week; the first thing he did when I turned up was hold me so tight and kiss me on the cheeks and forehead, made me coffee and we had a chat. He showed me all the stuff he had bought to go travelling with and he also showed me that he is taking my business card so that we can stay in touch. We chatted that night and then I left. We continued to text each other and email over the following few days. We flirted over text and teased each other, and I ended up going to his house for another coffee and chat! We laid on his bed talking about old times and laughing, playing silly games and flirting, and then when I went to go home, we ended up hugging and kissing, which turned into the greatest sex. As I said goodbye to him (which was the last time for 6 months), he held me so tight and was saying "6 months will fly by" and as I walked away, I looked back and he had one tear falling down his cheek.Now he has gone away for 6 months, but he said that if I am still single when he gets back then great, but he doesnt want to hold my life up if I have moved on. Postponing his trip was not an option, the wheels were already in motion, he has had to rent his house out, etc. He also said I can go and visit him.How do I play it now with him? Wait for him to mail me from Asia? See what he says? Meanwhile concentrate on me?Need honest opinions and advice please!
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female
reader, cherrysundae19  +, writes (10 December 2008):
I completely understand what you are going through. I went through a similar situation in 2005 and it was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Six months is a very long time to be without someone. Try to live your life to the fullest everyday and be positive day in and day out. You need to move on with your life until the six months is up. If during the six months he contacts you saying he really misses you and wants you to come out there and visit, great I would say 100% go for it. I don't know if you believe in "fate", but if you two are meant to be then there will be nothing to worry about. Those six months will probably be the hardest six months of your life and will go by so slow, but it will make you grow as a person and then you will have time to think about the both of you, and deciding if being with him is the right thing to do. Don't make the first move, wait for him to make the move. I always say that if you leave it in his hands it will prove to yourself that he is fighting for you because he is making an effort, because we all know that you will make the effort but usually not so much with the guys. Try doing things in the meantime to distract yourself from wondering what will come of this situation. Start a new yoga class, kick boxing, take a class at your local college and study something that you have been wanting to learn about, stimulate your mind in positive ways. Good luck and I hope everything turns out for the best.
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