A
female
age
36-40,
*enada846
writes:How can I avoid my gossip-fueled coworkers. every day at work feels like a drama and it feels like high school. I work with three women and one guy who I have to exchange information in a daily basis and have lunch with. In the begining I started being friendly with them and having lunch since my work has a lot of interaction with them and we sit near each other in the room. A couple of months in I have noticed they are very envious - for example if I wear something nice(I sometimes like designer handbags and have collected them) they are like where did you get them - oh wow - or if I say I'm doing something on the weekend they will make remarks. I always feel like I'm being watched and their so negative - always a comment for everything and always drama. For example I mentioned in not dating and they always bring it up like go online go online even though I have tried to change the subject and disregard them since I don't like their advice. My therapist says that these women are envious jealous and try to bring other people down because they are not going anywhere in life and have nothing. I have tried to separate myself but it's hard not to let them get to me and not to let them bother me- sadly a little of my work has to do with them - any tips!?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2016): My advice is to find a way to change your employer to an organisation that is more in line with your values. Its not healthy to be around people like that. In the meantime can you work through your break or take a magazine to read? Could you study an online short course in your break and plug in to something useful rather than listen to what they are saying? Perhaps break your daily / weekly dose of them up by involving yourself in another task - even walking around a local park. Just ideas but hope this helps. You don't HAVE to sit and listen to them. When they comment just kind of glaze over briefly as if you're not listening. Keep what they know about you to the very minimum so you don't fuel the comments or gossip. Listen if you must but say very little. You can be polite without exposing yourself to this rubbish.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (17 October 2016):
They could be used to exchanging gossip with each other as a way of passing the working day. As for commenting on your clothes etc., they probably admire your taste or else it could be something more neutral like they havent seen the style/colour before. I work with similar people, a good way to divert such conversation is to chat about general topics. The weather, hobbies, news (maybe not politics!) and things that no one can really argue about. These people may genuinely lack good conversation outside the workplace and they could seek this at work as a result.
I think if you feel more confident in youself, peoples silly comments will matter less. Though this is a piece of advice that I should heed myself! Best wishes
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (16 October 2016):
Can you explain a bit more because I don't see how what you describe is "drama" or "bitchiness"
If you are carrying a nice handbag or wearing nice clothes, someone commenting on it or asking you where you got it is not bitchy. Even if they ask how much it cost - it's not bitchy (nosey maybe, but not bitchy).
As for making remarks when you say what your plans are for the weekend.... what do you want them to do? Listen with stony silence? It's polite to say something back - it doesn't mean it's a judgement. So what negative things have they said or done that make you feel so judged?
My guess is that you FEEL that you're being judged negatively when you're not. And that you're actually judging yourself more.
If you think that your plans for the weekend are pretty cool, why do you care what they think? You're going to have fun whether or not they "approve". (My guess is that you DON'T think your plans are pretty cool compared to your work colleages which is why you feel judged - i.e you're judging yourself)
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (16 October 2016):
 You can't control what people do or say, but you can learn to control how you react to it and feel about it.
Do you really think they mean everything they say in a nasty way? I know their "advice" is unsolicited and unwanted, but I am sure they see things like suggesting you go on dating sites as trying to help you (in their own way) because our society naturally assumes everyone should be half of a couple and that, if they are not, they are somehow unhappy.
It is natural for friends so show an interest in what we do and offer their opinions and views. If you don't want them giving you their views, then refrain from telling them about everything. For example, if asked about your week-end plans, just say something vague like "Nothing concrete planned, I think I just want to chill out this week-end".
If you find their company so stressful, can you make excuses to spend at least some lunch breaks away from them? I am sure you need to go to the bank or do some shopping or something, which would mean you can't spend every lunch time with them.
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