A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been in a relationship for about a year now. We started out as roommates and are still living together. I now have a decent job over here, that I don't want to give up and plus I still have very strong feelings for him. The relationship has been extremely rocky to say the least. There has been much fighting, drama, and a lot of jealousy on his side. Things seem to have settled down a bit lately (past month) but I am still have extreme doubts to whether there is any real chance for this to work at all.A few weeks ago I snuck a look at his archived Gmail account and found many things. I didn't find any evidence of him cheating physically, but I found something much more bizare. We have many of the same friends, and I know he still speaks to a lot of people he's known on the internet off and on. Well, I saw this girls invitation to him to come to her house for dinner, with the address at the top. The context of the email was strange, such as he had never been there before. Then his reply of course, stated nothing about me, but that he had to do schoolwork etc. He said lastly, that "We will probably both be very disappointed when we finally do meet". So he has never met her before...The email sounded much too flirtatious for someone in a relationship period. At the least, he is leading her on to get his ego boosted and extra attention. This girl is not even someone he would even be interested in. I guess my question is, if he's not cheating, then why would he bother even writing this girl back or talking about eventually meeting her? I even gave him the benefit of the doubt, and thought he's just letting her down easy. I've known many men to flirt online occasionally for fun, maybe a lot of them think it's innocent, but this is someone he's been talking to for over a year. All of this time, I thought she was strictly a mutual friend of a friend that he hung out with a few times.Aside from all the other problems, this is puzzling. I did ask him about it without admitting snooping, and he at first look surprised, shocked, and lied saying of course he had met her. Then he admitted that he never had met her, but denied any flirtation and went into an explanation that he just had old friends he's been talking to for a long time. I found other things as well, but it would take too long. I know the obvious answer is to get out if I am unsure, but I was wondering if anyone has any insight into this that I may not have thought of. I still wish in a fantasy world it could work out of course, but in reality I don't believe it. It still hurts though. Any advice appreciated.Thanks
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flirt, jealous, period, roommate, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): I have no clue what is going on with the girl he is emailing, but there are many sites on the web where you can meet someone for sex.....have you checked this avenue out with him....he may just be a curious george and only talk to these women and never act on it, but it is still weird and he is spending too much time in chat rooms or on these type of sites.
What you need to do in my opinion to see if this is going to work out between you is to get your own place and move out! You started out as roommates? And then you fell into bed and then in a relationship because you were already there? No wonder there is insecurity jealousy and drama. Living together has a whole temporary status, but you live together closely as if you are married and the stress of doing that without the commitment is hard! Especially if you started out that way living together.
I don't know how you made it this far, really, I don't.
But talk it over, come to a mutual decision to take a step back and be out on your own or with other roommates and then start dating.....where he picks you up and you go out...and start putting some attraction and romance back into a relationship that has probably become stuck in some negative patterns due to the pressure of living together before you were really ready for that in your relationship....it can still work if you take that step back and lean back and let it happen in a dating context.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): look honey just do what you feel is right!
i know how you feel...although its in a much more deeper concept!
guys are always going to like more than one person (even in a relationship) there is no changing that. And as soon as the guy realises the girl will fancy other people too the better. He will maybe then realise not to muck up because you can easily mdo the same ;) x
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A
female
reader, triedit  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Oh dear...It sounds like you have a problem. But not with him, with yourself. If you distrust him, you shouldnt be with him. But to go through his MAIL? That is just horrific, no matter what excuse you have.
My honest advice is break up, learn to love yourself, then start dating again and be just as trustworthy and you are trusting.
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