A
female
age
41-50,
*sian tealeaf
writes:my friend found out shes at an abnormally high risk, for her age, to have a down syndrome baby. shes 20 weeks into her pregnancy, and told her husband she might consider adoption as she strongly feels shes not capable of giving this child the special around the clock attention it may need. after telling her family and numerous siblings about her options and the possibilty of giving the baby up, (she has 2 other small ones) she was told quite angrily by her family she was a selfish cold hearted bitch who was whining and complaining and taking the easy way out. they told her they'd help out, but she knows quite realistically the burden would mostly fall upon her. at the end of the day, she has to, for the rest of her life be glued to the side of this child. is she being selfish, or is she doing the right thing, to provide this child with a more loving and supportive envrionment as she feels she cant give it what it might need? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Your friend is capable of standing up to the family pressure, then. It takes courage to do that. She probably intuitively knows that she does not live her life to please someone else (family, critics, friends). Ultimately, she will be the one facing the consequences of her decision, whatever that may be. The labels 'selfish' or doing the 'right thing' can just make her decision more difficult.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): it sounds absolutely HORRIBLE to me that her family is not supporting her decision. not to mention telling her that she's a cold-hearted bitch. there is no such thing as an "easy way out" of this situation. no matter what she chooses, she's going to suffer consequences. and the point of having family around is to support your decisions. and when i say "support", i don't necessarily mean they have to agree with it. they just need to be there no matter what. that's the hardest lesson i've ever learned in my life. that there's a difference between agreeing and supporting. i support my friends 110%, whether or not i agree with their decisions.
besides, what's so terrible with adoption? at least she's giving the child a shot at life and a shot of having a loving family. one that wants the child bad enough to go through the adoption process. she's doing a noble thing, in my opinion, by being responsible enough to know she may not raise this child properly. and by allowing him or her to be raised by parents who will do it properly, she's doing him or her justice. more power to her. she has my complete respect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): My goodness no, she is most certanly not being selfish...she is being selfless. I respect her for knowing her own limits. There are lots of people out there who would love to addopt a special needs baby, and could give him or her the kind of love and help she needs. Tell your friend, that at the end of the day, SHE is the one who will be dealing with the special child...Not her mom, dad or sisters. This is her decesion and her alone. It is better to find the child a wonderful love filled home, than stay with her, if she fill incappable of taking care of the precious child. Please know I will be praying for you and your brave friend. God Bless!!
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