A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI have come here for some kind of help, I know what i'm doing is wrong in so many ways, but I don't know what to do.I have been seeing a married man for almost a year. I am so in love with him, but I know i'm never going to be with him properly. I always think to myself that I should just end it and walk away, because I know nothing will happen, as there is no way he will leave his wife, but I just can't do it. I honestly love him with all my heart and I feel completely helpless. He's the only person i've ever loved and the only person i've ever slept with. I would spend the rest of my life with him if I could. How has anyone in a similar situation coped with this? =( x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): Hi,Yes, I've been in a similar situation. The man in question told me that there had been no intimacy between he and his wife for over a decade, and that they merely stayed together for financial convenience because they got along pretty well. We saw each other for a few months, during which time I repeatedly told him that I wasn't coping with the sneaking around and that I thought his wife deserved his respect and that he should tell her, after all, if they were no longer in love and she had no interest in him sexually, I figured it would be a fairly amicable parting of ways. Thier family are all grown up, so that wasn't a reason for them to stay together either. They were quite wealthy, so finances wer ealso not an issue for them. Eventually he got caught, and she threw him out, which didn't sound like the reaction of someone who was no longer interested in her husband to me. He promptly stopped all contact with me because he said he wanted her to take him back. He had told me that he'd never been so attracted to any woman as he was to me, or felt such a connection with any one. At the end I realised what a gullible idiot I was to believe anything he ever told me, because if he really felt the way he said then he wouldn't have been able to just cut me off like that. I was absolutely devastated, because I had breached my own moral code by getting involved with someone who was married, and also because I had so many times told him that I thought we should stop seeing each other if he had no intention of ever separating from his wife yet I was too smitten to follow through with this. Fact is, any person who is playing around behind thier spouses back is not to be trusted, there is absolutely no excuse for it. My advice would be to bite the bullet and stop seeing him cold turkey. You will be a mess for a while, and your trust in men will be highly diminished, and you will feel bitter, but you will get through it. Take care of yourself X
A
female
reader, Yawzah  +, writes (3 October 2009):
You've already realized he's not going to commit to you, and the one he has commited to he's cheated on...is that the kind of guy you want? He's using you...
Your heart will break, you'll be in awful pain but you'll get over it and find someone much better...YOU WILL!!
You know you can do better and you deserve better, it'll be hard but there's more than one love of your life!
Take care.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 October 2009):
I've not been in a similar situation. Although what you are doing is wrong, it's not anywhere near as wrong as what he is doing. He's married, which means he's hurting his wife, and he's useing you for nothing more than sex, which means you're going to end up heartbroken. You're not helpless though, that's just in your mind. You feel this way because he's your first love. And as nearly all other people will say, first time loves rarely work oout anyway. Sit down and really think. Do you want to be a second best mistress all your life? Or would you rather find a better guy that this totally committed to you. It's your choice. but I would end it, delete his phone number, cease all contact and get out there with your friends and find a decent guy. This one isn't worthy of ANY woman in his life.
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