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male
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anonymous
writes: Women/Girls....PLEASE HELP!!! Game Playing!!! A girl I absolultely LOVE plays the hot/cold game with me (at least in my mind). I gave here this xmas gift (nothing serious,,just simple gift....and she absolutely loved it and gave me so, so much attention upon receiving it). The next week....so completely cold and no acknoweledement of me whatsover......what is the deal? can you give me some insight as to what this is? we have the best time with each other but i dont understand the hot/cold....i know she cares though/really! is it just part of the game that she is just testin me with.........if it is then great-i at least know......how often do most gals play this game? it works, dammitt, let me tell you in really wondering about her becuz i like her a lot.........girls advice on the hot/cold game and more about it, if u could help!! thanx............ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, malicious_muffin +, writes (16 February 2006):
You have to understand that our minds are our WORST enememies. In a relationship, it is as if you're constantly waging a non-diplomatic war, i might add, against yourself. Your heart tells you what you ought to believe, and yet your mind anatagonises. This is body works yin and yang for you, readers. I'm female, and am currently in a relationship with my partner whom i PERCEIVE as very loving, affectionate, and basically the epitome of perfection (but what is perfection anyway?). However, from time to time, i find myself unleashing this need to play the hot&cold game (as you put it). It is NOT because my feelings for him waver, nor is it because i don't have strong feelings for him in the first place. This hot and cold game is solely a PRODUCT OF THE MIND!
I've told myself, time and time again, that subjecting my partner to this hot&cold game is cruel, and entirely vicious. However, due to bouts of insecurity and this sense of being rather unsure, i find myself preoccupied with NEGATIVE thoughts, and when this happens, the hot&cold game begins.
A
female
reader, malicious_muffin +, writes (16 February 2006):
The psychology of the mind is incredibly intricate, and certainly a matter which will never be unfolded by mankind thoroughly, firstly because the mind cannot be categorised, nor, after subjection of serious scrutiny, a reason cannot be found for this whole "playing hard to get" move in a relationship. However, i can relate, sir, i really can.
You have to understand that our minds are our WORST enememies. In a relationship, it is as if you're constantly waging a non-diplomatic war, i might add, against yourself. Your heart tells you what you ought to believe, and yet your mind anatagonises. This is body works yin and yang for you, readers. I'm female, and am currently in a relationship with my partner whom i PERCEIVE as very loving, affectionate, and basically the epitome of perfection (but what is perfection anyway?). However, from time to time, i find myself unleashing this need to play the hot&cold game (as you put it). It is NOT because my feelings for him waver, nor is it because i don't have strong feelings for him in the first place. This hot and cold game is solely a PRODUCT OF THE MIND!
I've told myself, time and time again, that subjecting my partner to this hot&cold game is cruel, and entirely vicious. However, due to bouts of insecurity and this sense of being rather unsure, i find myself preoccupied with NEGATIVE thoughts, and when this happens, the hot&cold game begins.
My biggest fear though, is that one day, frustration would get the better of him, and he'd just let go. Not because he loves me less, but because HE has feelings as well. In other words, to put it simply and aptly, he has the ability to get hurt as well. This is what we tend to ignore, or MISLOOK. In a relationship, i find myself constantly thinking that i'm the only one with the negative thoughts, when the other party is actually in as much fear and imbalance as i am.
The sole reason as to why your partner is playing this hot&cold game cannot be postulated nor put forward by anybody, for only she truly knows the reason. However, in my honest opinion, i correlate it with my feelings and actions, and i find that the situation you posted is an exact reflection of mine. The mind is like a warped up antibody, which fights these sacred feelings and thoughts, sometimes it acts on the appropriate antigen (jealousy) BUT, sometimes it acts on the wrong antigen (our own feelings), therefore rendering us in a total state of INSECURITY. And the insecurity leads to a need to TEST our partners, and what better way than to play the hot&cold game? Think this over thoroughly. In a relationship, our minds are the immune system, and this SHITTY thing we know as the hot&cold game is a defence mechanism. It's not a battle between you and your girlfriend. It's a battle of minds. a psychological war, you say? Damn right!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): Either she feels she needs to position herself to keep you interested or..she's simply not interested in you. You need to discern which is which because you are living in this circumstance. If she's positioning herself and playing games..leave her alone. A girl who is this immature isn't worth it. She's purposely misleading you, you now have a clear indicator, into her character and how she handles people and relationships. This should be a major factor in choosing. I would think you would want someone who is honest and upfront..someone you know will be a dependable, loving gf. You want someone who is warm, nice and responds to you. Now go find that girl..this one isn't her.
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (8 January 2006):
 This girl is playing good old fashioned mind games.Save your money and forget this person.She loves the attention you are giving her but soon gets bored.You deserve better,trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): My advice to you would be to move on, she is obviously not a very nice person when she ignores you that is not hot and cold that is just plain ignorant.
Hot and cold is when you go out with a fella and you like him and he calls you and asks to see you again and you dont go out with again right away so as not to appear too keen kind of the way very few men call the same day they get your number they leave it a day or 2. Let me tell you if a girl likes you she wont ignore you she'd be to afraid that you would lose interest.
We have all been there when you really like someone and they dont reciprocate your feelings you feel a bit down at the time but you get over it, lets face it to settle for someone or to have them settle for you never works out there is a girl who would do anyhting to be with you that understands you completley and at the end of the day you would be selling yourself short if you settled for anything less.
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A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (8 January 2006):
Move on darlin'
This little girl enjoys dangling you on a string and all the attention you are giving her but to be brutal, she aint into you so nothing will happen between you Im afraid.
Expend your energies on meeting someone more tuned into you and who isnt getting a buzz from playing hot and cold. The keener you are, the more games she will play. Life's too short to be on tenterhooks wondering how she will be each day. Unless of course, you geta buzz from chasing the unattainable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): As she been hurt in the past, because it sounds to me like she doesnt wanna get in to deep in case she gets hurt. if this is the case she maybe insecure. Although when you mentioned about how she reacts once u av give her presents she sounded very shallow and like she was with u just 2 use u. You need 2 do some serious talking. Good luck
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A
male
reader, flipdrew +, writes (8 January 2006):
 I'm no girl, but I think you're being used. Either she likes the attention or the gifts or the companionship, but when it all boils down, she isn't intrested. If she was, there would be no "off switch". It's no game. It's as simple as "i'm bored and here's someone to hang out with and keep me entertained." but when something else comes up, off she goes to greener pastures. My advise: find yourself a greener pasture.
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