| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've just returned from a trip abroad with some friends. On New Year's Eve, while we were in a nightclub, I met a girl who lived locally. Despite not being much of a playboy and not too successful with women, it's not too rare for me, with my inhibitions slightly diminished, to manage to attract a girl this way when going out. Things got quite heated between us as I was particularly attracted to her but she seemed like a decent girl with principles, who had decided she wouldn't let this go too far. With a friend of mine and her friend, we were going to head back to our place (no, not necessarily with bad intentions!) but changed our mind when we thought about our friends who were probably sleeping. Anyway, we had the opportunity to chat and it seemed like things were going well between us but when leaving (bear in mind I was leaving 2 days later), I asked her for her number and she said no. What I was hoping was to see her the next day, and just enjoy spending some time. The fact I'm now back at home with simply a first name and the name of her university, really bothers me. Her whole attitude seemed totally different to mine: I could never spend an evening like that with someone, without keeping the chance of staying in contact. It's not a question of desperately wanting to go out with her (because I am realistic, I realise that it would be difficult to work something like that out), but it seems so rare for me to meet someone like that, with whom I hit it off so well immediately. My problems don't stop here. A similar story happened about a year ago. I met this girl when I was travelling, went back to see her a few times and then she just cut things off with a text message. I totally lost it: tried to contact her, sent her letters, even took a plane to see her again. I even seeked help from a therapist because I was struggling at work and just general, in life. It feels like every attractive girl I meet this way, I fall for. What bothers me is not so much the fear of never meeting someone with whom things work out so well (although that is one of the problems), but not being able to contact them. What's more, I also often think about old love interests I'm no longer in contact with. What happened a few days ago, is not that important to me (sure I got on well with this girl) but the fact that it bothers me so much, has made me realise that I must have an unhealthy attitude. What worries me is that, even if I meet someone, I'll still be thinking about old love interests. Unlike this girl, who seemed perfectly fine with the idea of never hearing from me ever again, the idea that there is someone out there who I got on so well with, who I'll never get to see again, really upsets me. I've only had a few serious relationships and I struggle to find someone I want to be with. Before this whole thing, I had the impression I had built up the confidence necessary to be happy, instead of being so desperate for a relationship but it feels like I'm almost back to where I started... Can someone provide me with a bit of wisdom and insight so I can maybe change my outlook?
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male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (3 January 2007):
I wouldn't worry about it too much mate. You're only 22-25, you've got plenty of time to find your confidence with women & you'll probably realise what it is if anything that might be putting ladies off.
Perhaps you should talk to some of your close friends or even your mother/father? They will be able to give you advice on whether you're doing something wrong.
Also, women two time as well as men you know. Maybe you've met ladies who already have a partner who their not totally happy with. Just a thought.
Best of luck in the future, I know how soul destroying it can be, I've had it happen to me many times and it still hurts me just as much even though I'm 38. I have had good long term relationships too though :)
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