A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have never dated very much. My one and only girlfriend, with her, things just happened as if I didn't have control. I said things I wouldn't normally have said, I was forward and thats why things worked out. I was assertive.Usually though, I am not good in asking women out. I have this complex that if I ask somebody out and she rejects me, things would be awkward between us. Now why worry right? However I am currently in university and all the girls I meet are in my classes. So women, help me out. If a guy asks you out and you say no, and you have to see him for the rest of the year or semester, does it become awkward? I don't know why I care, I usually don't care what people think but in this case, i'm terrible. Any advice?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 It is forever awkward for the immature ones. The mature ones don't think it is awkward at all, but takes it as a complement and moves on.
I'm even friends (on facebook, but I do strike up a conversation when I meet him in person) with a guy who asked me out on a date once. The date went well, but there was no immediate attraction, so no one asked the other out again. It's never been awkward.
It's funny you should ask, because I recently asked a girl if she'd be interested in going on a date. I have a friend who's gotten charmed by her, but he wanted to know if she was single or not before he asked her out (a bit of a chicken, but I decided to help him out). The girl I asked got sooooo embarrassed and felt so awkward, even though it was just me, and not the actual person who's interested in her. If my friend had actually asked her out he would have had to avoid her in the future because of her reaction. So, good thing I guess that I was the one who asked, so he doesn't have to hide from her.
Pick your girls carefully. Try to judge who will react poorly, and who will be gracious. Women with class will not make it awkward. I mean why would it be? It's just a compliment, and a question if they'd like to get to know you better. You're not asking them to marry you after all, nor are you asking them for random sex. You're just giving a compliment.
However, keep it to one or two girls, if you try to ask out every girl in your class you will simply come off as a desperate and unattractive man. Women want to feel special, and if you ask out several girls in the same class they will not feel special at all.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 IMHO, the nature of your question goes to the form of your asking and her replying.....
IF you ask a girl to make a date with you.... and she just doesn't find you "dating material".... isn't it best if she declines... BUT WITH AN EXPLANATION? .... such as: "I'd love to go with you.... but I have to wash my hair that evening."? Hearing that twice is your "hint" that she's just not that in to you....
IF, however, she sez, "Gee, I'd love to go.... but I've already committed myself to attend (a seminar, a class... any other "legitimate" obligation that she's made and can't break)"..... AND, if she accepts that next time (assuming that you have adequate gumption to ASK that next time).... Then you are off and running...
I think that having a request for a "date" declined is not enough - once, and by itself - to prevent you from asking a second time....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 October 2012):
 No I don't think it's awkward. I was once in a tiny class of only 5 people and one guy asked me out, we went on one date, it went poorly, and even though it was awkward for a few classes, we stopped feeling awkward and just went back to normal eventually.
So long as you're polite about it, I don't see why it would be awkward at all. I mean, expect a little bit of awkwardness for a few days, but she's not going to hold it against you or think badly of you for it. It's worth a few days of awkwardness for the chance at a few dates, isn't it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): OP it's much more awkward to like a girl without ever having asked her out. They or others will see you checking them out, it will be obvious you like them and then talking to them in person will just have a certain tension to it. And what's worse you may end up developing a serious crush and there is nothing more annoying and awkward.
OP asking a girl out is generally viewed as a compliment and if you can take rejection on the chin when it happens and not become some cold, bitter weirdo it can actually get the elephant out of the room. You know where you stand, she knows you were interested in her and the tension just goes. Sure there will be one or two that get awkward but that's only because they don't know how to react around you but that is very unlikely to happen if you're casual about things as it's seriousness that makes things awkward. Simply asking a girl to meet up for a date is nice gesture, taking rejection well gives you a lot of props and kudos when it comes to other girls you may like. Remember they all talk. You get rejected by one and start being cold and distant with her and women will know and stay away from you. Treat rejection with a tinge of disappointment but the utmost respect and humility and it'll go around that you're just a nice guy who made her feel good that day and is confident enough not to be phased by rejection. You know I've made some great female friends after being rejected by them. You really wouldn't believe the amount of guys that get bitter and start acting like dicks to girls who reject them, it's a major gripe especially amongst college girls.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 No,it does not make it awkward forever, maybe just a tiny little bit at first, but then, normally, life goes on as usual.
It mostly depends from your reaction, and from how you handle this rejection, if we want to call it such.
If you go around looking daggers at her... or with a perennial hangdog face.... if you make a scene , or write desperate messages of " why did you do this to me " eh well, then of course it is awkward.
But if you act normal, still friendly but not over friendly, it's gone and over in very short time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): It is no big deal and things can carry on as normal, as long as you don't make a big deal about it. If she says no, smile and say 'sweet, catch ya later then'.... like a non event.
Don't make it a big deal in your own mind. When you see her again, don't go out of your way, but say 'hi, how are you'...if that is what you would normally do. Act the same and treat her the same... everything will be back to 'normal' quickly.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 October 2012):
 Hi
Its flattering when a guy asks a girl out, provided you haven't asked every girl in the vicinity for a date.
Why would it be awkward if you get a negative response, your attitude can make sure its not.You ask,she says no, so you just carry on like you don't care,act normal.So long as you don't stalk her afterwards or be a text pest, then after a few days it will just be forgotten.
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