A
female
age
30-35,
*elanceyst
writes:Some background... I am dating an asexual girl. If you don't know what that means, she just isn't sexually attracted to anyone and therefore no sex. which I am fine with because we both love each other. With that in mind, however, I am much more drawn to her personality than her looks. But I also think she is attractive. Ok background over. She wants to vet a crazy hair cut that I do not like. this is kind of a really tough topic, but as much as I love her and respect her sexuality, the physical features I like about her are like my bread and butter when it comes to my physical needs because I am not asexual but I also understand she doesn't like sex so I am cool with that. But if she gets this hair cut, I will lose physical attraction to her and I hate feeling shallow about it, but it is the only thing that meets my needs physically. Should I tell her? I know I don't own her and her decisions are hers to make about herself, but do I get a say at all? and should I say anything? I already have anxiety often about scaring her off, making her think I own her or want sex. None are true. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2018): She's nothing more than a platonic friend. She may as well wear her hair anyway she likes.
You need her to do something to justify your feelings and all I see here is an infatuation.
Sweetheart, find yourself someone who can offer you everything you need in fair exchange for your warmth and physical attraction to them.
This "asexual" stuff is mostly fake and under debate by science. Only a very small percentage of people claim they are; because they want to be set apart as being different.
Most scientist say it's nothing more than low libido for the 1% of the population who claim to be. If you can't convince science, you can't convince me.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (2 February 2018):
 I have to agree with Honeypie here.
How is this going to work long term? You're resigning yourself to never having sex ever again because your GF doesn't want it? How long do you seriously think you can do that without looking for the satisfaction somewhere else?
I think the haircut is the least of your worries here because simply put, you have no say in what she wants to do and if you aren't physically attracted to each her anymore then all you have from her is her personality, when she has everything she needs to be satisfied but youre missing out on so much.
Think about this seriously, can you go on this way for another 50-60 years? I'd be very surprised if you could surpress your sexual needs for that length of time. It would be a wise idea to mull over your compatibly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 February 2018):
 Her body, her hair, HER choice in hair style.
Sorry, you don't OWN the right to tell her what she can and can not do with her hair because it's your "bread and butter"... It comes off as you being controlling. Not a good thing. No, you don't get a SAY in how she wears her hair, what make up she likes or clothes. Nope. You CAN tell her, I think THAT hair style would look better on you, or that color would make your eyes pop. But to tell her NO, you CAN NOT do that because I don't like it? No.
You see the difference?
Also is the reason she is liking this hair style because she wants to use it as a shield? To actually make herself look a bit "less" attractive? To get less attention?
If you are NOT asexual like her, then how good of a match are you two in reality?
You also mention that you have anxiety about scaring her off, so you walk around eggshells with her? If she thinks you want sex, it's not out of the blue OR it's due to past experiences she has had.
A non-asexual and an asexual are NOT really a good match when it comes to partnerships. Why? Because ONE (or BOTH) of you have to "be" someone else around their partner. One of you (or both) have to HOLD back on your needs. You two are NOT fulfilling each other's needs.
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