A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So me and this girl have been tougher for going on 3 months (not long I know) I was really close to her before that for about 3 months so it feels longer. Things have been going exceptionally well bar the occasional argument. These arguments are always about th same thing. This guy friend she has, now she has quite a few guy friends that I'm cool with. But his one is a problem. Yea see he has this ability to get in people's heads and get infomation while they've been none the wiser. I feel like he's doing this to my girlfriend. She's also told me that there are certain things she's told him that I don't know. I didn't know how to take that so I just got annoyed. I know it's early days but I think i love her and I just constantly feel whenever they speak he's going to do something's to break us up(he never wanted us together and he's broken other couples up) I've spoken to her about is but nothing ever gets solved please help!! I'm desperate now Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2015): I get it - most people wouldn't be comfortable with it but, at the same time, you can't change this.
When I first met my boyfriend, we were automatically close, feeling like we'd known each other for years. Within the first couple of months, I'd helped guide him to the choice of getting rid of one of his two best friends. Why? She was manipulative and nasty - but he knew that, so he was already edging towards letting her go, I just gave him the courage to do it.
When we first became a couple about a month later, I knew about his other on-off best friend. From what he's told me about her, there was more bad than good, but he hadn't realised it yet, so I could gently give him advice about not completely trusting her, but it wasn't my place and wouldn't have ended well for us if I'd have pushed it. About 3 months after that, she threatened him with blackmail (even though he'd done nothing wrong) because she was angry with him (for no reason) and she said nasty things about me (she'd never met me), so that's when he realised how toxic she was to his life and cut her out of his life - presumably for good, since she tried to worm her way back and, when he ignored her attempt, she became nasty again - so it solidified his decision to keep her out.
Unless people already know there's an issue, you're likely to make things worse for yourself if you say anything. Like I said above, the turning point was *his* decision, not mine.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (8 August 2015):
He was her friend first. You don't own her and don't have any right to tell her who she can be friends with. If he can singlehandedly break you up then your relationship isn't very strong. You are giving this guy too much power. Insecurity is not an attractive trait.
You are very young and still new to the relationship game, so you get a temporary pass on your feelings. That said, don't become that guy. Don't be that guy that tries to dictate friendships. Don't be that jealous, insecure guy. Trust me.
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