A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is about my girlfriend thinking of cheating on me. Now it sounds strange but hear me out. We have been dating for a while and I realize that she is the one I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this because from past experience of other women, i know she is the best match for me and that I am very passionate about her. She seems to feel the same towards me, where she wants us to start a family together and get married. However I am her first boyfriend, and she says sometimes she feels like she is missing out. She claims that she wishes she was as sure as me that we are meant to be by having past relationships (like me) to compare us with. She also says that part of her wants to she what it is like to date someone else or sleep with someone else to see whether she really likes me better or not. I get upset everytime she says this, yet i don:t say it because i want to listen to her feelings. I have been understanding and attentive to this and have tried to talk to her about this each time. I have said it is ok if she wants to break up and do this, yet i don:t want her to cheat on me with another person. She has brought this topic up more than once and every time i have tried to talk to her and ask her what she wants. At the end she says that she made up her mind and says she wants to be with me and no one else, but then again she brings the topic back up again a few weeks later. I got upset and argued with her last time and I don:t know if i am being insensitive or not. Any advice for me or for her to convince her whether we are right for each other without the cheating. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (12 September 2010):
i have been in the exact same situation before my boyfriend and i were together for just over 2 years when he broke up with me. he was a virgin and i wasnt while we were seporated he got with two other girls and 9 months passed we got back together and its now been a year since we got back together and 4 years in total off and on weve been together he told me when we got back together that he wanted to see what it was like with someone else. i was devastated at the time and didnt think i could ever get over it but i have now. i dont even really think about it anymore because i know he chose me and were now engaged to be married,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Hi there.
I am a 19 yearold female in a committed relationship. We are extremely close and both feel that we can go the distance. From what you have said I think that sometimes I feel the same as your girlfriend so I hope I can shed some light on what she might be feeling.
My boyfriend has been in a few relationships but they weren't the best and he wasn't happy so when he found me he knows that this is what a true relationship feels like that would be able to last. I however I have not been in many serious relationships so sometimes I feel that to truly appreciate what we have or to know if it is right for me I need to essentially "play the field".
I feel I need to point out that this is just a feeling/thought I have never acted on it. I have talked about this with my Boyfriend often saying I am jealous of his failed relationships because it makes him so sure that I could be "the one" when I don't have much to compare it to so I don't know if there's something better out there or not. I don't feel this way much now as we are in a very happy and healthy relationship that has been going on for 2years. I know how much it would hurt him if I cheated on him and I knew I couldn't put him through that pain. I have come to the realization that I need to just go with the flow and as long as I'm happy there is no need to act on a silly thought that could possibly ruin what we have.
My advice, don't breakup with her, but don't let her cheat on you. Just be as supportive as you can and make sure she knows how you feel about her and how much it would hurt you if she cheated. Is losing what you both have worth the risk? If this is happening once a month it could be a PMS thing, Girl's emotions tend to go a bit haywire when we can't decide what we want, I know it was at certain times that I would feel most insecure or emotional that I would worry about whether he was 'the one' or if I was just wasting my time. You just need to be real understanding, (which it seems like you already are) and let her sort this out on her own. Just remember that if you did let her cheat, regardless of the outcome your relationship would never be the same, so I ask again, is it work the risk?
If your relationship is right she will hopefully come to a conclusion (like I have) that she is happy and grateful with what you two have together and realize that it would be stupid to lose you over a silly feeling. Also you are both still young (like me) so maybe try not worry so much about the future. If she loves you enough she won't want you to go through the pain. Maybe try get her to put herself in your shoes, how would she feel if you wanted to cheat on her? she doesn't seem to get over it then maybe it was something else that wasn't right between you.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): Both of you are young, I assume.
The best thing to do is break up with her, from your end, and move on. She is not ready to commit to anyone yet, and is telling you that. She won't be happy about it now, but will be "free" and can then chart her own path for a while.
Maybe in the future you get back together, but probably not.
Keep looking for someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them.
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