A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend wants to have sex with another man. First of all i know this question was probably asked on here thousands of times but i really have no one else to talk too.This all started over a year ago i was working it a job that i needed but really did like. I started talking to a coworker just to pass the time at first it was just talking and a little flirting and i know my girlfriend would have had no problem with me talking to her but my dumb ass kept it from her. then it turned in to emails. And things got a little more personal. I asked her some question in these emails that i really shouldn't have asked her. And she kept asking me to go out with her and i told her that i couldn't. but we did go to lunch ONCE! well my girl friend found out about it and was really up set over it. well were i was working people started roamers like a bunch of old ladies. and my girlfriend heard about them and none of them are true!!So its been over a year now and a couple of weeks ago. my girlfriend confessed to me that after i did that that she started talking to one of her male friends on a social site. for months this went on and i had no clue. She told of that she ended it because she really start to have feelings about him but still loves me and a few other things happened but this is really starting to get lone so I'll get to the point.she still thinks that i slept with the girl from work event tho i didn't in on way have any contact with her like that in anyway. Well last week when we were making love she old that she wanted to have sex with another man. well in the past before everything that happened we did talk about bring someone in to the bed room with us. But that was just dirty talk during sex. but this time i think she means it. and we have had sex a few times after this and i brag it up and she get really turned on by it and i KNOW she is turned on of you know what i mean. i just don't know what to do i love her very much I'm not sure if she really want it or not?hope you all can help me and thanks to all how answer back...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): I assume that you're asking because you do NOT want to bring someone else into the bedroom. If you two have talked about it before, and you are 'bragging it up' in order to get her hot, she may be getting the wrong impression that you ARE still open to the idea.Like the above responder, I think this is a way for your girlfriend to feel that she can get on a more even keel with you, while at the same time retaining integrity. After all, she would not be cheating on you; it would be a sexual fantasy that both of you have considered together in the past.1. If it's just a matter of principle and fear of motive that's stopping you from the threesome, and you actually do think it's hot to have another man there, then I say swallow your worries and just do it. You might have some scorching sex and a fun memory, and it would definitely help your girlfriend get over the 'other woman' situation.2. If you just like to talk about it but don't actually want to do it, then I'm afraid you have a more difficult job: First, tell your girlfriend honestly that while a threesome is a fun fantasy, you are not comfortable with making it a reality.Then, you have to ask her if she is still worried about your coworker. If she says maybe or yes, then you have to talk about it. If you take away the outlet she's thought of (the threesome), she might find other ones that are more hurtful to you (a real affair). Talk it out. Assure her. Tell her you're sorry for past indisgressions. (Nothing melodramatic necessary. Just calling yourself a 'dumb ass' like you did above may help.) Don't let her berate you, or she'll get worked up and start assuring herself that you're the enemy.By the way, don't turn the discussion into a blame game on your part either. I've seen men do this countless times without meaning to. They think they're reassuring a woman but actually make things worse.DON'T SAY: "Don't think crazy thoughts like that."DO SAY: "Maybe you don't believe me, but it's the truth."She is not insane. Don't imply it.DON'T SAY: "Why on Earth would I do that?" DO SAY: "I didn't do that."Inviting questions is a bad idea; there's always lots of reasons to do anything, and she WILL start listing them. It also sounds like you're avoiding making a clear statement.DON'T SAY: "If you love me, you would believe me."DO SAY: "I know you love me, which is why you're still with me, but honestly, I really didn't do it. That's why I'm still with you."Maybe she's acting out a bit right now, but remember that she loves you. She broke off that cyberaffair because despite being angry and hurt and despite believing that you had had an affair, SHE WANTED YOU. How good does that make you feel? :)Also, you two must have a high level of trust, because she then told you about the cyberaffair, although you never told her about the coworker; she had to 'find out' through rumor. I think you have a good thing going. I wish you much luck.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I will assume that indeed you did not cheat on your girlfriend with that other woman.
She does not believe you didn't cheat, and is trying to get even. First, she did it behind your back, as she thinks you did, and now she wants to do it openly. Ask her what good it will do if she "gets even". Realize that her sleeping with the other guy is unacceptable. And then, ask her whether she wants to stay with you or not. It seems to me that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. She is still very hurt. Let her be.
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