A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hellooo Everyone,I'm going to try and keep this simple.My boyfriend and I were meant to be going to visit his family for the weekend.On Saturday, I will be home alone for about 7 hours while everyone goes and watches a football game ( I'm not coming since I don't like it). I'm still willing to come away for the weekend and see everyone.As we were packing tonight to leave, I asked him if I could take his playstation so I could play my game and he doesn't respond and i can see that this is really awkward for him since all our housemates like to play fifa on it. His opinion is that the "bros may want to play it", "it's not mine", " i don't want to be in the middle of this" and "it's the flat's playstation"The boy house mates play fifa every day for several hours. I only get to play my game once a week if i'm lucky. I didn't think me asking to take his playstation would be such a big deal. I did tell him that it's his so why should this be an option for them what we do with it.I feel like he's not treating me like his girlfriend. It's his playstation, why did I need to convince him that it is fine that I take it? This is my massive problem.Our flat mate also overhears our loud arguing and so my boyfriend later uses that as a reason to how he's so embarrassed by me as an argument. I think he's being immature. It's his playstation and I happen to want it this weekend, it should have just been packed. Why does he have to act like he doesn't own it etc. What does his actions mean?Thank you very much in advance and apologies that this argument is pretty much over nothing. It's just was a moment where I thought "wtf" and just don't even understand how this is even an issue!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2019): I am sorry I missed the playstation era but let us say that you wanted to borrow his record player which is easier for me to understand and if I was in your bf's place then I would have definitely let you have it. So I would say he was wrong not to let you have the playstation and you have every right to be angrey.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2019): I agree with YouWish. Don't let a piece of property become a measuring-stick or bone of contention in your relationship. You knew before you asked what the answer was going to be. You can turn this matter into a test of your relationship; and it will be blown completely out of proportion.
I advised you to choose your battles, because when you start becoming petty and always forcing someone to prove themselves to you, you'll immunize him against more serious concerns.
If you feel he puts "bros before ho's;" then you know what your option is.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 February 2019):
 You wrote this:
"I think he's being immature. It's his playstation and I happen to want it this weekend, it should have just been packed. "
You say that he's being immature, but it's YOU who is throwing the tantrum, arguing loudly and causing a scene loud enough to disturb the flat mates. Do you live there as well? It sounds like you do given your phrasing.
Why not get your own Playstation?? I am married to my husband and have an 18-year old son. There are THREE Playstations in our home, because all three of us are avid gamers, and playing once per week would not cut it for us. Currently, I'm playing Red Dead Redemption 2, my husband is playing the new Madden in honor of the Super Bowl, and my son bought and is playing Kingdom Hearts 3 as we speak. Having our own PS's is the best way to keep the peace.
You are sharing your boyfriend's playstation with the other people there, which isn't unreasonable. Feeling entitled to pull it from the house all to yourself IS unreasonable and makes you come off as entitled. You've turned it into a subconscious "Loyalty test", which twinges your ego.
If I were you, I'd get a new PS (or a used one) all for yourself, and play it to your heart's content all you want. Don't let your boyfriend or anyone else in the flat EVER use it. Play what games you want, whenever you want, however long you want.
The reason I suggest this is -- combining assets is dangerous in a non-married relationship. You don't want to be at the south end of someone else's property, and the "What's his is mine" doesn't apply to an UNMARRIED person. Never ever mistake domesticity (living together and playing house) for ACTUAL commitment. It feels similar, but it is vastly different, as you're starting to discover.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 February 2019):
 Oh, I know what is going on here. I was in a relationship with a man like this, it's a case of "bro's before ho's". You're dating an omega of a pack, that's what you've got here. He will do anything to be a member of his pack, in this case his buddies in the flat. He even donated his playstation to them, so that they can use it whenever they feel like, and he titles it the "flats" playstation and not his. Even though it is his.
It's the same that my ex did, all the time, with all his things. Even when my ex got a car and needed to use the car himself, he would take the bus because his buddy needed the car. One of his "friends" even got a drivers license only because he now could use my ex boyfriends car. I mean how insane is that?
Yeah, it's a stupid argument, because you have no right to take his playstation and you have no right to tell him he should remove it from the flat and give it to you instead. Just as I had no right to decide who gets to drive my boyfriends car. But it's still just a symptom of a bigger issue: that the man is a doormat and allows all his "friends" to walk all over him. It causes you to lose respect for him, and it also shows so clearly who he prioritizes here. You're at the very bottom of his priorities, which is why it hurts.
If Im not mistaken, your boyfriend has probably done to you the same as my ex did to me: he would cancel dates with me because his friends suddenly needed him? Or if there was a case of him double booking in his schedule, he will always prioritize his plans with his friends over plans with you? Heck, I even didn't get an invitation to parties that were held at my boyfriends shared flat with his friends, because he didnt feel ownership of his own flat! He felt he couldn't invite me as it wasn't "his" party! But it was a party in the flat where he lived...!!!
If this rings any bells with you, and if this case with the playstation is just one of many cases in which his buddies gets top priority and you get sloppy seconds, then my advice for you is to end it. This man isn't available for a relationship, he is already in a relationship with his friends, and you're just getting the left overs.
I've never been the jealous type, but that relationship with my ex is the only relationship where I felt jealousy. And I wasn't jealous over another woman, I was jealous of how much he prioritized his friends over me! It was like he was married to them, and I was the mistress. Even when he went out of town, and then returned for the weekend only (he had a job for a period of time where he had to leave for work), he would always call the friends first to make plans! Then after he'd already been back in town for a day or two, only then would he call me and expect me to just drop everything and be with him for the 1 hour or so he had left of the weekend before he would leave again. I wouldn't even know he was comming home for the weekend!! He didn't even call me in advance to let me know so that I could free my schedule or anything, he would just call his friends and go sttraight to them!
So yeah, if any of this rings any bells, please, just admit defeat. You are at the bottom of his list of priorities, it will not ever get better, because you're dating an omega of the pack who will always just try to remain a member of the pack, desperately so, and will therefor always put his pack of buddies before any woman.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 February 2019):
 It’s petty on both sides.
Yes, it is his property which means he has the right to say that you’re not using it. Just because you’re his partner doesn’t instantly mean he will do everything you say. If you want to have access to a PlayStation at any time to play your games then what’s wrong with buying your own?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 February 2019):
 Read this: “I didn't think me asking to take his playstation would be such a big deal. I did tell him that it's his so why should this be an option for them what we do with it.” HIS PlayStation.... what WE do with it. OP; it’s what YOU want to do with it, not him or “we”. Dating him doesn’t mean you outrank his friends on this because he wants to leave it there - possibly not just for his friends’ benefit but because that’s where it belongs.
I enjoy gaming, but I have my own things I can take with me, like a tablet and laptop. My dad has given me an Xbox One (in his house) because he wanted us to play online together and he bought a new one for himself. If I wanted to take it anywhere, he’d understandably say no. Should he agree to it just because I’m his daughter? No. If my mum wanted to take it for some reason, he’d probably still say no because it’s not something you risk travelling with.
I get it; you don’t want to be bored, but you can find something else to do without causing a rift in his friendships. You should have asked in advance and accepted a no if that’s what he said. It should not have turned into a loud argument; you DID embarrass him.
You only play on it once per week because that’s how it is. If that bothers you, after the trip(!) you can *ask* your boyfriend if you can ARRANGE a better sharing agreement between the flat mates - not just demand you get it more. If he just says no, then it’s a bit immature of him if you live in the flat too and you’re all supposed to share it. That said, if he says no because he doesn’t want to rock the boat with his friends or any other reason, whether you think it’s valid or not, then you need to accept that and get your own PlayStation.
You’ll need to stop behaving like a demanding child, though, OP. I get why you want it, but you acted like you were entitled to it because you’re dating him and that was the wrong way to handle it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2019): Choose your battles. You called it immature of him; but it's immature of you too. If it's his, doesn't he reserve the right to say no? That should have been the end of it.
Don't turn a single issue of disagreement into a matter of evaluating or defining your relationship; his having to prove his loyalty to you. Making him choose between you, or his friends. This was a silly matter concerning a game. It had nothing to do with how he feels about you as his girlfriend.
His woman and his buddies are separate relationships. Testing him over things like who gets to play with a PlayStation seems a bit childish.
How does a game become such an important measure of his loyalty to you and his relationship? That's manipulative and petty. It's not really something you travel with anyway.
Yes, he can say no to his girlfriend!!!
Respect his right to decide what to do with his own property. Besides, he shares it with everyone.
It had nothing to do with how he values you as his girlfriend; until you made it so. He simply wanted the game to stay-put. It was right where it belongs.
As a group of friends, each person may provide something everyone can use. It's his contribution to the brotherhood. He probably gets other benefits in exchange for it. He gets to use something of theirs, or ask for favors. I remember doing that in college. We all chipped-in somehow to help each other out. Nobody claimed ownership of what we all shared. We saved a lot of money that way. It's how we bonded.
You can pout, and turn this matter into all sorts of things; because you didn't like being told no, or just let it be. How hard is that? It's no big deal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2019): OP you aren't a child. You are 26? This is a bit embarrassing. Are you actually serious?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 February 2019):
 "It's his playstation and I happen to want it this weekend, it should have just been packed."
Entitled much there, OP?
Get your own Playstation, then you can bring it wherever you like.
Your BF said no, you need to respect that. BRING a book to read. Watch a movie. Paint a picture....
You don't understand why it's an issue, he should just DO what you say/want? Yeah? That is NOT how life works.
If HE really doesn't WANT to take it out of the place he lives at because insert ANY reason then that is HIS choice. YOU don't have any OWNERSHIP in his items just because you date him. It's not a what is his is mine, and what is mine is mine. That... is not how life works.
You are a little too "old" to be acting like a spoiled 5 year old. If you ask me.
No, means no. OP. Even when it comes to a PlayStation.
YOU will JUST have to entertain yourself in other ways, how is that so hard to figure out?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 February 2019):
 You're right. It's HIS PlayStation, which he has donated, in a sense, for use among his flatmates. He doesn't have to loan it to you and it was selfish and childish of you to demand it.
Yours isn't the only relationship in his life that matters. And this attitude of yours puts an unnecessary strain on him, his friendships and ultimately on your relationship.
Surely, a grown woman in her late 20s is capable of finding some other way to occupy her time.
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