A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a very serious relationship for the last five years with an amazing girl. I love her so much. I would take a bullet for her. I am going to propose to her soon but I don't know when. She's the only person I've ever been in a relationship with and she will be the last, we're both virgins. We never really felt the time was right, we've never had optimum conditions to do it in. We have discust sex before and both decided that we will do it whenever it feels right, and spontaneous and romantic. I fessed up that I had watched porn before which didn't bother her to begin with but she has some body confidence issues and has started feeling that she cannot match up to some of the porn stars. I've explained to her that she is way more beautiful than every pornstar that has ever lived. I've explained to her that she is all I want, and no other woman will ever match up to her. I would wait forever until she is ready. I just want to make her feel beautiful again. I don't know what to say to her. I know our first experience shouldn't be great, but I want it to be amazing for her. I want to make her feel like she is the only woman in the universe. I want to prove to her that she is my everything and she shouldn't compare herself to pornstars because the two aren't even comparable. I love her more than anything in the world and I would die before I let anything happen to her. It kills me to see her so down, because of something I have done. How can I make this right again?
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both virgins, confidence, insecure, porn Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): you did something wrong so dont say sorry or anything like that. keep making anonymous gifts, then when you felt like your going to lose your heart tell her you sent the gifts
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Just to add, she expects to be able to trust you to protect her feelings too OP. So she asks if she's fat, you going to be honest there too even if she has gained some weight? Sorry OP but you're an idiot for feeling obliged to tell a girl with such severe body issues that you've been masturbating to "hotter" women. You hurt her and for what? Honesty? Well it's not dishonest to not shove your latest defalcation in her face so she can see. It's not dishonest to not shove the fact you find other women hot enough to wank to either. You can weave your wonderous yarn about her amazingness all day long but your actions tell a different story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): I suppose you're going to tell her the consistency of your last shit too? Going to tell her that when you were a kid you tasted your own piss or licked a dogs asshole? No secrets right. So why would you keep your latest shit to yourself, grab a bag fish it out and bring it to her because "she deserves to know". No OP you're allowed privacy. Are you going tell her every single sexual thought you have or point out every time you got a peak down a woman's top or every time you check out a woman's ass?
No, well you're allowed to keep your sexual fantasies to yourself.
Guess what, the last time she flicked her bean she may have been thinking about Beiber or Gosling, do you think she'll offer that info to you or even admit it? No because she's not an idiot who wants to create a Shitty situation out of her private fantasies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): Why did I feel the need to tell her? Erm, because she's my girlfriend, and she has a right to know, and I respect that. I'm not gonna keep something like that from her, am I? I want to be truthful with my girlfriend. I don't want to keep secrets from her. I don't want to get intimate with her, knowing that I am keeping a secret from her. I want her to trust me.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (11 April 2013):
 I am glad you told her and now you have a chance for her to help you stop watching it. Men who watch porn make lousy, lazy lovers anyway so you are doing the right thing in not watching it. Leave the porn watchers to a single life, their pc and their hand, which hopefully will develop a strain injury over time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): Why did you even feel the need to let her know? A man's porn watching is a private affair and should remain so unless it is used as a tool to enhance sexuality between a couple in the bedroom.
Just be sure to clean your history and not run up any bills and your relationship will be fine.
SHE'S the insecure one. Not you. YOU haven't made judgements in any way.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): It's time to stop watching the porn. When you are in a serious relationship and one of you is uncomfortable or against it for whatever reason, it does not belong in your relationship. Just because you watch it in private does not mean you are not bringing it into your relationship. I promise you in time, your relationship will be ruined over this. Is watching porn really worth losing the women that you love and have such an amazing relationship with?And here is another reason why you really should stop watching it. You are getting very unrealistic and skewed, degrading to women and fake sex education from porn. My biggest concern for you and her is when the time is right and you do have sex, it's not going to work out so well. You have way too many visuals in your head and intimate, loving sex will be shattered and you will scare her if you perform in the way you have been watching all this time.You can tell her until you are blue in the face that the porn skanks don't hold a candle to her and it won't make any difference, no matter how much she realizes these are not women a man would want to bring home to Mom. The problem is not with the women, it's that a man is viewing someone else and getting sexual gratification from it instead of being with them. And this will all come out when you do become sexually active. Do yourself a huge favor and find other things to do instead of watching porn. Your future sex life will be better for it and you will have done a very honorable and loving thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): I haven't watched porn since we got serious. All the porn I watched came before my and my girlfriend got serious. I haven't watched porn in the last four years, and I have explained this to her, and promised that I will never watch it again. I just thought she should know that I have watched it before, but not recently. It just seemed to bother her, and I don't want her upset.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): You can make it right again by not watching porn anymore. If you love her as much as you say you do, that shouldn't be hard to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): Whether we like it or not, porn is everywhere and most everyone has seen it.
At this point you could swear that you will never, ever, ever, ever watch porn again and she will find another issue to hang over your head.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (10 April 2013):
You can start by not watching porn anymore. Her self esteem issues weren't caused by you, they were there before and you watching porn just brought them to the surface, so don't beat yourself up over that.
Also, I'd recommend that you stop being so dramatic; instead of making you more believable it does the opposite. A girl who has self esteem isn't going to believe that you think she's better looking than every porn star ever born.
Therapy can help, but girls her age (and women in general) are so hard on themselves, not realizing that men just don't care about 99% of the things that make your average girl insecure.
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